My Rawsome Life!

A Poem & Recipes

2012-01-22T18:36:00.011-09:00

January 25, 2012

STANDING IN MY OWN

I am standing in my own,

My own of many things,

I am Better now without you,

I am Free to Fly as ME,

I owe nothing more of ME to you,

For I am Completely Free,

My binds have been released from the repression I was living,

I was Blind, But Now I see, An entirely New Meaning for ME,

I am grateful for the growth I gained,

My light Brighter it Now Shines,

The Ground beneath my feet more steady,

Thank for Your Time,

Certainty I now hold,

There is a time to let everything go,

Float along the breeze,

They call the wind Mariah,

I let it lift beneath my wings,

In my Heart the Truth Resonates,

Like whispers in the wind, Audible at last,

Now it is Time for you to take your Place living in my past

January 24, 2012

Dinner:

Broccoli Bite(s)ize pieces

Sea Salt

Oil

Nutritional Yeast

Paprika

Cayenne

Mesquite Powder

Coconut Crystals

*Mix in a bowl and voila, yummy and fast!

Lunch: Salad

Butter Lettuce

Tomato

Sea Salt

Cayenne

Nutritional Yeast

Grapeseed Oil

January 23, 2012

~RECIPE~

Onion Bread/Cracker:

2 Large Yellow Onions (save about 1/8th of a cup fine chopped to stir in)

2 Cups Sunflower Seeds (soak over night, rinse and drain 3 times/day for one day or until little tails start to form)

Sea Salt

*Process until smooth, stir in the chopped onion

Spread thin on dehydrator sheet at 115* for about 12 hours, turn over and dehydrate to a dry consistency

~TOPPING~

Sliced Mushrooms marinated: Olive Oil, Paprika, Cayenne, Ground Coconut Crystals, Mesquite, Sea Salt

Butter Lettuce

Sliced Tomatoes

Sliced Avocado

Morning Boost ~SMOOTHIE~

Banana

Spirulina

Strawberries

Minerals

Fiber

Lucuma

Irish Moss

January 22, 2012

Onion Bread with avocado Mash & Sea Salt

Onion Bread {Recipe Above}

Top with smashed Avocado or Slices

Sprinkle of Sea Salt

Cauli~Rice over Salad

Cauliflower Faux Rice

Cauliflower

Cumin

Chili Powder

Sea Salt

*Process until desired consistency, Really good with avocado or on top of salad

*Make any green salad and top it off with this mix or just eat it straight

Chili Mushroom on Onion Bread

Onion Bread {Recipe Above}

Sliced Mushrooms marinated: Olive Oil, Paprika, Cayenne, Ground Coconut Crystals, Mesquite, Sea Salt

January 21, 2012

SALAD

Romaine

Carrot

Tomato

Grapeseed Oil

Sea Salt

SNACK

Sliced Yellow & Orange Bell Peppers with Guacamole Dip {Avocado, Lemon, Cilantro, Tomato, Red Onion}

January 20, 2012

Salad

Kalamata Olives

Butter Lettuce

Wild Rice

Zucchini

Cilantro

Sundried Tomato

Fresh Tomato

Romaine

Fresh Flavor Explosion

2012-01-19T20:15:00.005-09:00

January 19 2012

My taste buds are soooooooooooo happy today!

Fresh Mushroom Medley: Dinner

Layer in Order

Base: Portabello Mushroom

Sliced Avocado

Salt & Garlic Granules{just a dash}

Lemon Juice

Top with the Following; Diced & Mixed

Tomato

Yellow Onion

Cilantro

Kalamata Olives

So Yummo Salad: Lunch

Romaine

Butter Lettuce

Carrot

Zucchini

GrapeSeed Oil

Sea Salt

Nutritional Yeast

Dried Currants

Simple Strawberry Smoothie: Breakfast

Strawberries

Bananas

Almond Mylk

Mid~January Meal Highlights

2012-01-18T20:39:00.007-09:00

May Food Bring Happiness & Health Into Your Life...

January 12

Portabello Open Faced Sandwich

Portobello Mushroom, Sliced Thin
Butter Lettuce
Tomato
Avocado
Yellow Onion
Clover Sprouts

Sauce:

Almond Butter

Garlic Granules

Cayenne Pepper

Date Paste

Sea Salt

Tamari (to taste)

January 13

Green Sweet & Spicy Salad

Romaine Lettuce

Yellow Onion

Banana

Dried Currants

GrapeSeed Oil

Cayenne Pepper

Sea Salt

January 14

BBQ Portabello Salad

Portabello Slices marinate in: Paprika, Cayenne, Coconut Crystals, Mesquite, Olive Oil

Kale

Romaine

Avocado

Tomato

January 15

Strawberry Banana Spirulina Super Smoothie

Banana

Strawberries

Spirulina

Hemp Seeds

Almond Mylk

Liquid Minerals (Natures Sunshine Mineral Chi Tonic)

Fiber

*Blend

Warm Cabbage Salad

Cabbage

Carrot

Mushroom

Almond Slivers

Dressing:

Almond Butter

Tamari

Sea Salt

Garlic Clove

Garlic Granules

Onion Powder

Date Paste

Coconut Butter

Cayenne

Warm Water

*Mix & Warm in Dehydrator 10-15minutes

January 16

Broccoli Kale Soup

Broccoli

Kale

Avocado

Garlic Clove

Garlic Granules

Onion Powder

Sea Salt

January 17

Broccoli Zucchini Soup

Broccoli

Zucchini

Avocado

Cilantro

Garlic Granules

Sea Salt

Nutritional Yeast

Onion Powder

Warm Water to Consistency

*Blend

January 18

Strawberry Banana Chia Pudding

Chia Seeds, Goji Berries, Lucuma Powder & Vanilla Bean Powder

Banana, Strawberries & Almond Mylk Smoothie

Morning Deliciousness

Mushroom Pilaf

Minced:

Mushroom

Carrot

Yellow Onion

Cilantro

Zucchini

Sauce:

Tamari

Honey or Other sweetener

Apple Cider Vinegar

Cayenne Pepper

*Warmed in Dehydrator, Could be turned into Shroom Burgers if you have the patience or time!

Nourish & Flourish

Love & Light,

~~~~~~~~~~*Mariah Moon*~~~~~~~~~~

Healthy Goodness

2012-01-12T09:51:00.004-09:00

My hope for my life is that it inspires others

to seek

more happiness & wellness in their own life

Daily Goodness Menu: January 6th~11th 2012

Jan 6: Mushroom Soup (see previous post)

Dulse (Snack)

Cauliflower & Nacho Sauce

Cauliflower Bite Size Pieces

Sauce: 1 cu Soaked Cashews

1/2 cu Nutritional Yeast

1 lg Bell Pepper (Red or Orange)

3Tbs Hemp Seeds

Pinch Sea Salt

1tsp Turmeric

2Tbs Paprika

1clove Garlic

Water to consistency

Jan 7: Apple

Guacamole Salad (ate out with family)

Lettuce

Guacamole

Tomato

Lemon Juice

Garlic Kale Salad

Kale

Cherry Tomatoes

Mung Bean Sprouts

Dressing: Creamy Garlic Miso Dressing (see previous post)

Jan 8: Nori Wraps

Nori Sheet

Guacamole

Zucchini Slices

Nutritional Yeast

Lemon Juice

Sea Salt

Roll it Up

Kale Salad

Kale

Kalamata Olives

Tomato

Cilantro

Zucchini

Grapeseed Oil

Garlic Granules

Sea Salt

Jan 9: Guacamole Kale Salad

Kale

Guacamole

Tomato

Zucchini

Mung Bean Sprouts

Carrot

Grapeseed Oil

Garlic Granules

Sea Salt

Pumpkin Smoothie

Pumpkin

Banana

Almond Mylk

Coconut Crystals

Cinnamon

Nutmeg

Jan 10: Avocado (halved & eat with a spoon)
Open-Face Mushroom Sandwich

Portobello Mushroom, Sliced Thin

Almond Butter w/ Garlic Granules, Cayenne Pepper, Date Paste, Sea Salt, Tamari (to taste)

Butter Lettuce

Tomato

Avocado

Yellow Onion

Clover Sprouts

Jan 11: Pomegranate

Veggie Sushi Wraps

Nori Sheet

Avocado & Miso Mashed Together

Carrot Strips

Cucumber Strips

Clover Sprouts

Love & Light,

May it Shine Into Your Hearts,

From Your Hearts,

Guide You on Your Journey,

Be Ever Present,

Even in the Darkness...

~Mariah Moon~

She Said WRITE...

2012-01-10T20:28:00.005-09:00

Loving Me More Than Ever Before...

My friend Stephanie, my soul sista', wrote the following poem in ode to me:

i feel alone even when I'm around you
when we talk you never listen
i pour my heart into this relationship
yet i never receive
I know I'm better then this and i deserve more yet my self esteem is low so i deal with it
Today i spread my wings and say Fuck you
I'm living my life with out you and your bullshit ass ways
no longer will i let you hold me back
or will i cry about you
or will i want to help you when you don't even want to help yourself
The mirage is over now i can begin to heal
Time to be a butterfly no longer a caterpillar

Stephanie D.

She suggested I write some more, so here it is:
Last night my yoga instructor who is also a dear friend commented on how nice it is to have me back in the Tuesday night class, my regular class for the past 5 years, I replied without hesitation, 'it feels good to have MY life back,' and as I spoke those words I heard them, deeply. I haven't been living MY life, I have been living my life in accordance to how my boyfriend wanted me to on too many levels. (I hope it is obvious that I am not blaming anyone, I make my own choices) I had given up my favorite yoga class so I could attend something with my (now ex) boyfriend to be supportive, even though it put me behind on my required hours (for my yoga teacher certification) and it was my favorite part of the week. I am okay with making compromise, but there comes a time when we have to be honest with ourselves and realize that the compromises are supposed to be balanced. I repressed my sexuality to try to meet him where he is. I tried to need nothing; so the relationship wouldn't end. I gave up parts of me, made efforts that weren't returned, I loved blindly ignoring what was right in front of me in hopes of creating a partnership. And when I put it like that it sounds like I was trying to make peanuts out of apples! I tested my own patience and tried to want nothing from him, to let go of desire and expectation is to let go of suffering; however, the lesson I learned is that there should be a balance, not emptiness.

The love I give I want reflected back to me in a Partnership. If what I am giving and receiving are two very different things it isn't a partnership. I enjoy giving my love to others, freely and unconditionally, when I embarked on round 2 of this relationship cultivating unconditional love was my goal, a goal I have achieved. I love Shane, completely and unconditionally. I also realize with my real eyes that we weren't engaged in a partnership. I can let go of the title and release my hopes and desires I had for him and I. I can do this because I am willing to see the truth, I invite clarity into my life. I have an abundant supply of love. I do not fear loneliness. I love me. I love me enough to not engage in relationships that leave me feeling so much emptiness. I want to give and receive and enjoy it. I also don't need a relationship, I want the healthiest, honest, loving relationship to be with myself first.

~I SEEK BALANCE~

I am SEXUAL, SENSUAL & BEAUTIFUL

I don't need someone to tell me those things for me to believe them, I know them. {I am also a little freaky and I am done denying pieces of me} What I need is to be seen for who I really am. If someone cannot see me, then they aren't going to bring harmony into my life.

This holds true for partners, parents and friends alike.

You know the feeling like you're talking to a wall, even if someone is listening they aren't hearing you! Sometimes it isn't that they have a busy mind or want to ignore you, it is the simple truth that they cannot understand your point of view, they cannot understand YOU. And sometimes they just don't want to make the effort. These scenarios do not bring balance or harmony into our lives and we have to love ourselves and the other person enough to see the truth and move on, let go, release the grasping. I overextending my energy, repressed my sexuality, deprived myself of deserving what I desire.

I am choosing to embrace my sexual expression; no more repression! I see me for the beauty I illuminate, I choose to spend my time with people who SEE me.

In the past week I have had a ridiculous amount of compliments on how healthy & happy I look. It feels good to have what I am feeling inside reflected from the outside. It is affirming.

A friend who knows me VERY well commented on how this is the strongest she has ever seen me be. Again the truth spilled from my lips like water flowing through the stream,

'This is The Strongest I Have Ever Felt, Ever.'

I do not pretend to be made of perfection, but I am proud of my progress in my life, who I have become and I stand in the light of continuing growth. I have made so much progress in my life from the girl I once was to the beautiful woman I now am. I am ready to be seen, the more I embrace who I have become the more I am seen.

I embrace the strength I feel cradling my heart.

The clarity I have been gifted has lifted my heavy heart and gave me wings.

Gratitude seeps from my entire being.

I embrace my Yoga journey. Yoga is so much more than asana (the physical poses). It is a way of life. I embrace the teachings and challenges on this journey. I am empowered.

I am on a path illuminating all truth and I WANT to SEE!

I am ready to be the Butterfly, no longer the Caterpillar............

Love & Light

Kandis ~ Mariah ~ Moon

~~~SATYA~~~

2012-01-04T12:10:00.004-09:00

~*~*~SATYA~*~*~

Satya is an aspect of yoga meaning truth, rightness. For the month of January I am focusing my awareness to see, believe, speak, hear, think, express, live satya. A part of satya is to not harm others through our actions or words. For example, how often does 'I hate you' actually mean 'I am hurting,' wouldn't it be nice if instead of trying to hurt people we spoke the truth; communicated instead of degraded? In this time of my life I find myself transitioning out of a 'partnership' type relationship back into a life of being single which also means being a single parent again. We are mutually ending our relationship, yet neither of us want it to end. The {simplistic} reason we have come to this decision is because neither of us feel we are who we want to be in a relationship which also means neither of us feels the other is being a true partner. I am aware that this may not make sense to a lot of people, but it is my truth & I choose to honor it. Remembering not to act out of pain & hurt was a challenge at first, but the more awareness I bring to Satya, the more Satya develops in my daily life. The truth is freeing.

So with love in my heart I find myself speaking my truth and allowing my feelings to be known. I am processing this change with Shane and finding what new form our friendship will take; together. It is such a beautiful unfolding, I look forward to continuing living in a place of truth. And although it isn't necessarily easy for me to do this, it feels like what truly serves me.

I Believe that he and I are meant to be in one another's life and although I recognize it as a constantly changing set of circumstances and particulars, I am willing to set aside my expectations of a partner and the role I want him to fill versus the one he is able to fill and take time to heal and grow. I have areas of my self that need work, contemplation and resolve. I truly look forward to time alone to focus inward.

The other night I suddenly had a moment of clarity and could see a part of me that feels so imbalanced at times, but was able to recognize it for what it actually is. For the past 5 years I have been working on not over-reacting to things and I am a million times improved from the girl I used to be; over-reactive, extreme, impulsive, negative, hateful & mean. But what I discovered was that I have created enough awareness that when I over-react, a short while after the incident, I now have the ability to 'let it go.' It feels good for me to be able to let things go especially since my old habit was too let it fester until I was miserable. I now see however; that in doing this I am still over-reacting, be it less frequent, but usually towards someone then a few hours later I am happy with no explanation of what happened. For me I am happy because I let it go and it isn't affecting me anymore. I can feel the imbalance this cycle creates within me and could finally see how this must totally make me look crazy to the parties involved! I am not crazy, but I am missing a step, it is time for me to let go of over-reacting and be conscious enough to always come from a place of truth. Let go of the trigger instead of over-reacting then having to let go of the over-reacting AND the trigger.

The Most Powerful Affirmation (when) I Use (it):

~I Release That Which Does Not Serve Me~

Blame

Resentment

Lies

Fear

Judgement

Ego Boosting

Dis-Ease

Self-Pity

Vanity

Anger

Denial

Disconnect

Promiscuity

Escape through Drugs & Alcohol

All of these are things I have used to deal with lifes downs before, but today I find myself choosing that which serves me and not feeling a desire to take the route of self defeating behavior. I am grateful to be in this place where I can choose wellness, in all aspects of my life.

I know what I want in a partnership: balance and equality. But in order to receive what I want, I also need to be giving what I want. Until I work through the imbalance I have created through habit, I don't feel that I make a good partner, especially not to someone I love deeply. So I am taking a skillful leap into open honesty instead of dwelling in anger & sadness. I choose Wellness. Yoga, Truth, Cleansing, Communicating, Healthy Eating & Thinking, Loving, Creating; All Beautiful things I am using to create balance & joy in my life, despite the changing scenery. Being able to practice these things in my life is a blessing.

Wellness Nutrition Tools:

*Cleansing RECIPES for JANUARY 2012*

Jan. 1: Lemon Juice w/Cayenne Pepper & Stevia

Jan 2: Lemon Juice w/ Stevia

Jan 3: Lemon Juice w/Ginger, Apple & Stevia (YUM!)

Jan 4: BBQ Broccoli w/Onion Sour Cream & Mushroom Soup w/Green Beans

BBQ Seasoning

(adapted from http://www.addictedtoveggies.com/2011/12/smokey-sweet-barbecue-cauliflower-bites.html)

6 Tbsp Ground Coconut Crystals
3 Tbsp Hungarian Paprika
2 Tbsp Onion powder
2 tsp Garlic Granules
1/2 tsp Cayenne
1/2 tsp Cacao powder
1 tsp dried/crushed Thyme
1/4 tsp Cumin powder
1 tsp Salt
*Coat broccoli in lemon juice and grapeseed oil then coat with BBQ seasoning, dehydrate 2 hours at 115*

Sour Cream Recipe for Dipping

from: http://www.addictedtoveggies.com/2010/12/atv-staple-recipe-raw-vegan-sour-cream.html

*My only modification is 1Tbs ACV instead of 3 and adding onion powder until it has a nice oniony flavor

Mushroom Soup w/ Optional Green Beans

3 cu Almond Mylk

1cu Cashews

3cu Mushrooms (marinated in olive oil & salt)

1/2 lemon juice

2 stalks Celery

2Tbs Garlic Granules

3Tbs Onion Powder

3tsp Salt

*Delicious as a Soup, pour over green beans if you want to, just marinate them in olive oil and salt overnight or dehydrate for about 45 minutes to soften them up

Jan 5: Pasta Kale Salad w/Creamy Garlic Miso Dressing

Salad

Sliced Zucchini, strips

Kale

Tomato

Creamy Garlic Miso Dressing

adapted from http://www.addictedtoveggies.com/2011/09/cheezy-garlic-pasta-salad.html

5 Tbsp Parm Cheeze (raw style)
1/2 cu sour cream (raw recipe link above)
4 Tbsp Lemon Juice
2 Tbsp Mellow White Miso
1 Tbsp Date Paste
2 Tbs Nutritional yeast
2 tsp Garlic Granules
1/4 cu Water
Sprinkle of Black Pepper

I LOVE her Recipes!

Food Therapy, A Good Thing When You're Making Healthy Choices!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

ABUNDANT LIGHT

YOGA on the HIGHWAY

2011-12-11T18:08:00.004-09:00

Yoga on the Highway

~A Driving Practice~

I Just got home from a 15 hour weekend of yoga teacher training including asana (poses), anatomy of the shoulders and discussion on the Yoga Sutras, I am being so fully embraced and absorbed into yoga as a way of life, opportunities to practice yoga just keep presenting themselves; everywhere.

I am BLISS. I am STUDENT. I am TEACHER.

The studio is about 60miles from my house so let me tell you first about the weather: Ice, Rain, Snow and Dark. Oh, and my car has summer tires that aren't very prone to stopping in the winter... Perfect weather for a Sunday drive right?

Well............................Turns out, it was!

On the drive I felt the initial anxiousness and fear of driving on the roads when it is difficult to see, difficult to not get sucked into the ruts and puddles, difficult not to slide around on the ice, difficult........You get the picture. So deciding to choose skillful action and thought I released those fears, I realized that those fears are like taking a ride on thoughts and emotions about things that don't exist in the present, because what I was worried about was 'what if...'s,' all 'what ifs' are based on the future, not the now so I made the choice to remain in the present, remain in a balanced place and just trust; just be yoga.

I have always loved the metaphor for life that 'when driving on a dark highway, even though you can only see 200 feet in front of you, you trust that the road will be there and keep driving even though you can't see it' and such is life, we don't know the future and we really don't need to. The roads tonight were perfect, I could literally only see maybe 3 feet in front of my car and I released the fear of it and chose to trust that the path will always be there. And be there it was, I arrived home safe, sound and in such a joyous mood contemplating my experience of

Yoga on the Highway

Opportunity for Yoga is everywhere once we are awakened to it.

I am so grateful for my path.

I feel like so many aspects of yoga were present during my drive it can't be considered anything but Practicing Yoga !

~NAMASTE~

Edible Goodness

2011-11-01T10:55:00.005-08:00

Edibles to Energize & Feed the Sweet Tooth

~Breakfast Energy Booster~

1Tbs Spirulina Powder

1Tbs Lucuma Powder

1tsp Reishi Mushroom Powder

1 1/2 Frozen Bananas

1/2tsp Vanilla Bean Powder

*Blend Until Creamy & Enjoy!

Benefits:

Spirulina- High in Chlorophyll, 18 amino acids including all 8 essential amino acids, lots of vitamins and minerals, GLA & “Spirulina contains the highest concentration of protein (by weight) of any food known, between 65 and 71 percent protein, depending upon the variety.”

—David Wolfe

Lucuma- (Peruvian Fruit) B3, iron, 14 trace minerals, mild maple flavor, Sweetener

Reishi- Strong Adaptogen, Boosts Energy, Boosts Immune System

Banana- Tryptophan Improves Mood, High in Iron, High Fiber, Nourishes Probiotics already present in the body, Natural Whole-Food Sweetener, Energy Boosting

~Coo-Coo for Cacao Bars~
1 1/2cu Soaked & Peeled Almonds

1/2tsp Vanilla Bean Powder

1Tbs Mesquite Powder

1Tbs Lucuma Powder

5Tbs Melted Cacao Paste

{Cacao Powder or Carob Powder would also work}

Pinch of Sea Salt

4 Soaked Medjool Dates

1/4cu Coconut Flakes

1Tbs Cacao Nibs

*Process Together until dough like, spread into a dish & freeze until ready to serve!

Optional Topping: Goji Berries

*Soaked Almonds; approx 12 hours, hand peel

EAT & ENJOY

This is the link that inspired the Cacao Bar Recipe, they are similar, but I didn't have all the ingredients so they differ a little:
http://www.rawfoodrecipes.com/recipes/cacao-chip-coconut-bars.html

~ LIVIN' LIKE A RAW-k-STAR ~

2011-10-19T12:34:00.007-08:00

Yoga~Flowin~Heart~Openin~Self~Lovin

Whenever I stop and think about what I love to do most what really gets me giddy,

I always comes back to 2 things:

YOGA

RAW DELIGHTS

This morning I did a slammin' session of yoga geared towards opening the hips which releases fears, anxiety and stress. Intention during practice and day:

To Honor my Voice, My Worth & Truth!

{Sequence to come! It gets the prana and tapa a'flowin'!}

On to FOOD! Been busy in the kitchen yesterday and today, so far we have:

A Yummi Nummi way to start a day

JUICY BEETY JUICE

2Beets

2Apples

2in pcGinger

1handfulParsley

ALMOND MYLK

Blend Water with Almonds, Strain through Nut Mylk Bag

Voila!

I (s)CREAM

I adore the taste of maca, it is malty thick and grounding, my sister just got back from Peru and brought me maca, how could I resist making this treat for myself, I LOVE ME!

Almond Mylk

Frozen Banana

Maca Powder

*That's it, blend it or process it to desired consistency....

A Creamy Flavor~Full Frozen Treat
Feelin Fruity?

Process the following:

maca~nana base

Frozen Blueberries (wild Alaskan if you're lucky enough)

Frozen Mango

FRUITY SORBET

OH YES!

Next Up...... Savory Pizza~ish~ness

I am a huge fan of sprouting, but i have always used cheese cloth and rubber band toppers and I bought these cheap toppers the other day and I must say:
I FREAKIN LOVE THEM!

-----Take a Break and Snack on Some Nutritious and Delicious DULSE!-----

My Favorite Savooooooory Snack

ITALIAN FLAX CRACKERS

1cuSoakedFlax Seeds

1/2cuSprouted Spelt(ground or dried and ground into flour)

1/2cuSprouted WheatBerries(ground or dried and ground into flour)

Spice it Up:

Kelp Flakes

Sea Salt

Fresh Basil

Italian Seasoning

Herbs de Provence

Chopped Tomato

Stir it Together and Dehydrate at 115*F for an hour then flip and continue until dry but still pliable

SAVORY PIZZA~ISH~NESS

BAM it looks like this: okay okay maybe there are a few added ingredients:

Top Italian Crackers with Tomato Avocado Kalamata Olives & a pinch of Sea Salt too

Most of All

~ENJOY~

What you choose to spend your time doing and savor the nutrition you provide your body, mind and spirit

ENJOY & LOVE

Molestation; the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another

2011-10-03T14:14:00.005-08:00

Sometimes it is hard to find your voice....especially when you are young, scared or confused.

{the following is a true recollection regarding my experience of sexual violation}

Summer 1996

I am a fresh teenager, couple months after I turned 13, and I am staying at my cousins house. There is this boy/man I think is cute (he was 17, 18 or 19, not really sure). I never made out with a guy, never had any sexual experiences with a guy, so the 'fantasy' in my head is french kissing, what a rush to be young and seductive! So I flirted with the guy and we go for a walk with my cousin over to a river and then she leaves. We are alone, quite a ways away from the house, out of view of anyone and he kisses me, fantasy fulfilled, so much excitement coursing through my veins then he starts to ask about sex and I tell him I am a virgin and I have never 'done anything.'

Then He put his hand up my shirt, underneath my cotton under wire Mickey & Minnie Mouse bra and grabbed my right breast, I closed my eyes tighter and started to grasp at thoughts, how the hell do I get out of this? The excitement left me, I felt no pleasure, only fear. I was a scared child in that moment. I kept saying we should go back, I 'm a virgin, trying to talk him out of it and he just kept telling me I was lying and he knew that I was lying. Then he moved his hand from my breast and pushed his way down inside my pants and underwear and shoved his fingers inside of me, I didn't like it, I didn't want it, I didn't know how to get away, no one could even hear me if I screamed, I didn't want to be hurt so I just kept trying to talk him into stopping. He grabbed my hand and pushed it into his pants onto his erection and moved my hand up and down. What the hell is a 13 year old naive girl to do? I couldn't overpower him and I couldn't help but think that I did this, I put myself in this situation, I had no idea it would turn into this, I didn't even know what this was! Then he started to pull me towards a large fallen tree, he said we could do 'it' over there. I kept saying no, I kept telling him I was a virgin, that I don't want to, he told me to sit down on the tree, I just kept pulling away, finally I pulled away and got enough distance between us and started to head back to the house, lost in a frenzy of thoughts, fear still lingering but safety slowly seeping in.

So much innocence was lost that day. It set the tone for my sexual experiences and so many unhealthy choices and situations to be violated followed.

I don't know if it was fear or a desire to be 'cool,' but I never told anyone what happened and that I objected to it, I just casually acted like everything was fine. I even interacted with him in the future and never brought it up. I never shared details with anyone. In the past 15 years since it happened I only told a couple people about the fact that I was violated . To this day he probably thought what happened was okay, but today I spoke up, so never again will he be able to say it was okay.

How did I do this? Well, my recent self-work (mainly in chakra balancing and clearing) in recognizing violations in my past lead to a physical manifestation of this man yesterday. While out with my family I saw him. He approached me, hugged me, keeps it casual and mentions the 'good times' and makes an odd comment about my age and how young I was back then. It was awkward, and I felt my discomfort, but I spoke in a kind manner, felt no anger and kept my truth tucked away inside me. I have no anger or blame towards him, but today I realized I am able to speak. I wrote him and let him know exactly what happened from my perspective and that I was molested, by him. And then, on to sharing this truth with others, BLOGGIN'

There is a lot of tension in my stomach as I write this and revisit this experience, but I expect an abundance of healing from allowing this truth, this secret, I have carried for so long to be known. It holds no power over me anymore, I am no longer a weak child, I am a Body~Bright Woman Standing in My Truth and Healing.

LOVE

TRUTH

VOICE

WILL

LOVE

Seeking Balance Each Day

2011-08-18T19:04:00.004-08:00

Life is Good

I am working on Relationships. The universe has sent me numerous messages in numerous forms reminding me to love myself, love others and always come from a place of love. Release Anger. Assert self-worth. Allow self-doubt to slip away into my past where it belongs. First relationship on my list: Myself. I am working diligently on the 'who I am' reflecting 'who I want to be.'

Next up: My Significant Loving Relationships with My Partner and My Son~Shine

aka

My Favorites

Always a Work in Progress.....

A Day with Shane

We Hiked around Hatchers, breathed in the fresh air, the quiet the gentle breeze brings, vegetation below our feet soft and inviting, crow berries filling my mouth with their bitter~sweet goodness, the sight is awe inspiring and creates such an amazing feeling of peace and purpose; to just BE. Being with someone who can fully appreciate the wonder of nature is such blessing in my life. I thoroughly Enjoyed being with Shane, This Person, This Man, This Wonderful Human Being, My~Partner for who he is, for the Joy he brings into my life, For the feeling of Home I get when I pull myself next to Him, Remembering to Love him Simply for Being, not for being anything I want him to be.

~LOVE~

Taking it In, Breathing, Appreciating, Gratitude

WomanHood=FalseHood

2011-07-22T08:09:00.006-08:00

As Americans {and other countries as well} do we not have enough insecurities yet? We can hate our boobs; get new ones, hate our labia; get labia reduction, hate our nose; get a new one, hate our hair; change the color, hate our lips; get injections, hate our eye color; get contacts, hate our stomachs, thighs & arms; get liposuction, hate our vagina; get vagina-plasty, hate our bodies; starve ourselves or puke up our food, hate our body hair; trim it, shave it, wax it........................

How fantastic is it that we have ALL these options available! No really, how fantastic is it to perpetuate more HATE towards ourselves so we can strive to ~feel~ Beautiful, Wanted, Attractive, Normal and Accepted not only by others, but it is so well ingrained in our thoughts now that we need these things for ourselves, to feel okay with ourselves. THIS IS SAD. This is so sad to me. It is an issue I face in my life and I realize so many others do as well.

We are so detached from Nature, I wonder if women even remember that you are actually CREATED to grow hair when you reach puberty, our armpits, our legs, our lady~parts, sometimes our upper lips, we are ANIMALS, we are created perfectly. ---WE ARE WOMEN, NOT 8 YEAR OLD GIRLS--- we have the body of a woman. When are we going to embrace ourselves? At the very least not feel like we HAVE to do these 'maintenance' things to be beautiful, that we are lovable (to ourselves and others) as we are, even if the maintenance isn't maintained.

When are our men going to let go of their deep rooted perverse desire to sleep with hairless girls instead of full~bodied women embodying their womanhood?

Why is it such a challenge to simply be what we ARE instead of striving to be what we aren't?

We are born natural creatures of this earth, as we are meant to be. As adults I can support any body modification choice one chooses to make, because I believe in allowing people choices; however, I WISH the choices we make in life would be based on Self~Love and a desire to create even more love for ourselves, not based on self HATE. NO AMOUNT OF BODY MODIFICATION can make you LOVE yourself.

We are REAL at our cores, it is our denial of this through so many superficial alterations that we become disconnected from our SELF.

BODY HAIR: Giving in to societal NORMS only continues to set un-natural standards for all women to try to attain. Teaching our children they NEED TO SHAVE, not for hygiene reasons, but because that is what BEAUTIFUL IS only continues to perpetuate feelings of insecurity and makes us uncomfortable in our own bodies. These insecurities spread like a plague through our society, the seeds of SELF-HATRED are everywhere you look.

I have really fine hair and I didn't get pubic hair until a little later than other girls and I remember being so self conscious that I always changed in the bathroom stall so no one would see, finally I got pubic hair *HOORAY* then I get a little older and learn this isn't right either, I should be shaving it off, man do we ever get a break?

*Where is the sense of reality? Not all Vulva look the same, not all breasts look the same, not all stomachs look the same, not everyone looks the same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And yes, some people have body hair, some people even choose not to shave certain parts of their bodies {GASP} !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Labia reductions, Breast implants, Eye skin removal (in Asian cultures) these are common graduation gifts these days, WHAT THE FUCK! Seriously, why aren't parents teaching their children to love themselves? It is far more important to teach our children to love themselves than how to conform to societal views of what is Beautiful. You don't teach your children to jump off a bridge if all the other kids are doing it, (that was my parents always said)but so many children are being taught to give in to the biggest peer pressure of all: SOCIETAL VIEWS OF BEAUTY.

If your hair isn't Silky smooth and long you aren't feminine, If your breasts aren't perfect perky and symmetrical, you aren't beautiful, If your stomach isn't smooth and flat, you aren't beautiful, If you don't have long lean legs, you guessed it, you aren't beautiful, if your lady~parts aren't shaved smooth or waxed a man isn't going to want to be with you, If you don't look good in a bikini yup you get to feel bad about being you.

Altering your body to fit into the mold of societal beauty isn't improving your self esteem or empowering womankind. Until we can love ourselves in our natural state this disconnect from reality will continue to thrive and along with it so much sadness and self hate.

I try to love myself each and everyday and on many levels I achieve this goal, the hardest is being able to love my physical body, it isn't attractive, it feels like a lie every time I try to see beauty in my physical self. To love it anyways, this is a work in progress.

I think a lot of women at first would find body hair off-putting, but I challenge you to look deeper than your superficial views of the world and your self, they came from somewhere and it isn't natural, you weren't born with a list of reasons to not love yourself!

When I am alone sometimes I feel pretty, because there is no one to tell me otherwise, I forget that my legs haven't been shaven today and I dance like I embody beauty just because I exist; as it should be. Can you imagine a world where everyone loves themselves, I know, I am a Dreamer, but imagine it, what if just you and your family truly loved yourselves? That would be an amazing start and in the home is where it starts. Lets try to heal our own wounds from societal views and teach our children to love themselves and others for what they are, not what they aren't.

I have a man, a partner in my life who loves me, but I am always aware that I don't fit the idea of beauty. I don't have small perky breasts, or a small 100lb frame or a smooth thin stomach. And I actually feel guilty for it.

I am never going to look like a magazine cover-model, apparently that isn't a part of this lifetime, hell I am never going to look good in a bathing suit, let alone a bikini! I HOPE that I can someday love myself enough that these things don't matter; because in the end I know it doesn't.

SELF~LOVE: PERPETUATE THAT!

~peace~

2011-06-22T11:58:00.004-08:00

~Peace Flowing In~

Like all things,(for me at least) when you know what the problem is, you begin to have a great understanding of it and doorways begin to open.

The past few weeks have provided me the tools to truly make some big changes in my life and my self~growth has been so significant, I think even a stranger could see it today!

A zest for life I haven't had for a while has been rekindled in my soul with more enlightenment, understanding and clarity than ever before: GROWTH. I Love It! And I am so very grateful for it!

A couple of weeks ago I visited someone I care about and the issues she is experiencing are the type of issues I experienced for a decade of my life (teens to early twenties). Depression, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, eating disorders, self-hatred, self-mutilation, hopelessness; I felt like I was looking into a mirror and the fear began to set in. It wasn't even rational, things in my life were great, but I went into this strange downward spiral of darkness. I stopped feeling anything but despair, everything I said felt like I was stating a fact not anything I felt. I felt so disconnected, isolated, lonely and lifeless; just like I did for that decade of sadness, feelings so similar that I began to get scared, like I wasn't in control anymore, like I have been living a lie, fooling myself to believe that I am a healthy happy person and I have been fighting the inevitable. That in reality, I am a self-hating, miserable person and it was time to face the facts. These things did not resonate with me, but they felt so strong that I couldn't overcome them. I started journaling about self mutilation, trying to reason with my mind. And the biggest fear on my mind was that self-mutilation is an addiction, something I can't ever really get over, even though it has been 5 years since I hurt myself and admittedly I wouldn't recognize the woman I was then. But I was afraid this darkness was right, that I am stuck in the sadness and it will never go away, so one afternoon when I was really upset and depressed, I cut myself, to see how I would react. It lessened the emotional anxiety, it scared the hell out of me and then, probably in the same moment, I realized that I could do it again, but I didn't want to. I understand the repercussions of taking that path and they are all negative, they are dark and that is no longer a path for me. I am so happy to have realized that it did not stimulate the same reaction it once did. I have grown so much, I crave all the positive and healthy tools I have in my life now. Cutting myself was not a good idea, I do not support anyone hurting themselves, but from it has begun such a much more intense healing in my life that I cannot regret doing it, it is a part of my path and thankfully I now KNOW it is also a part of my past, not my future. I realized that although this darkness felt like it had a strong hold on me, as soon as I felt the difference in cutting myself now then when I was unhealthy and miserable, that I could take control, that I am not living a lie, I know that I am who I choose to be and I am happy with that.

This has created a harsh distance between the girls father and myself, him being my best friend prior to finding out about this incident days later. A distance that hurts like hell. I could not lie though, I will not lie about it. And that is the right decision for me.

This is a part of my truth and maybe it is ugly, but to me what blossomed out of that darkness is so bright and promising that I feel blessed.

I cannot change how other people react to the things I have done, but I can stand firmly in who I am, how I got here and where I am going. I do not want darkness to be a part of my life, I spent years discovering ways to make changes in my life so I can be a healthier happier me and I continue to do so.

The Most Important Part: Seeking and Finding

Being heard, not just heard but understood feels so amazing. Relief. Love. Gratitude. I went to see a counselor today to talk about these issues, and when I was done talking the very first thing she said was 'can I tell you what I hear? You have symptoms of PTSD {post traumatic stress disorder}' and it began to all make sense, I had been referring to the visit with this girl as a trigger, but I didn't understand why I went into such an illogical darkness and it suddenly was clear. She was right, this is why I was here. The ten years I spent in a whirlwind of sadness and despair are very hard memories for me to even think about, it was a traumatic time in my life, a lot of self-abuse and I went there, right back to being a girl with all those issues. This trigger threw me back there so fast I didn't know what happened. I am already fasting, cleansing, healing and now to deal with this PTSD directly, first is to be aware of what triggers it, which I am and I know from dealing with this once before in my life (directly after someone tried to kill me) that EFT {emotional freedom technique} is amazingly beneficial to me. So I will continue to work on me, discover more about myself, see how much healing can occur and then go even further.

I am loved, I am supported and I am Happy. I get to be ME, not what I once was. I am moving forward, I am claiming my right to grow.

PTSD Information

-Bold lettering are my experiences-

People with PTSD re-experience the event again and again in at least one of several ways. They may have frightening dreams and memories of the event, feel as though they are going through the experience again (flashbacks), or become upset during anniversaries of the event.
Symptoms of PTSD fall into three main categories:

1. Repeated "reliving" of the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity
Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again
Recurrent distressing memories of the event
Repeated dreams of the event
Physical reactions to situations that remind you of the traumatic event

2. Avoidance
Emotional "numbing," or feeling as though you don’t care about anything
Feelings of detachment
Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
Lack of interest in normal activities
Less expression of moods
Staying away from places, people, or objects that remind you of the event
Sense of having no future

3. Arousal
Difficulty concentrating
Exaggerated response to things that startle you
Excess awareness (hyper vigilance)
Irritability or outbursts of anger
Sleeping difficulties

~Love and Light to Everyone~

Tsunami of Emotions

2011-03-12T22:55:00.006-09:00

Mother Earth, Father Time, Mama Maui, The ME of the NOW

On Thursday I stepped into the clearest Beautiful Waters on the shore of Maui. My usual source of Energy & Vibration wasn't filling me with the usual rush of energy and joy. In fact I didn't go out very far because I had a strange sense of fear or worry & noticing that I wasn't receiving the usual 'good vibrations' I didn't spend much time in it. This struck me as odd and I thought maybe I was just depressed, it was a stressful week after all. I got through the day never shaking the 'hum-drum' mood though.

Then the evening came and I experienced my first tsunami evacuation. We live across the street from the beach and needed to evacuate to higher grounds because tsunami waves as a result of the Japan Earthquake were heading our way. We left to higher grounds, well prepared with necessities; My Loved Ones, Food, Water and Shelter.Looking around the apartment deciding what I actually needed if my apartment were to be destroyed, and gone forever, it was like an epiphany slowly seeping into my being. My Son, My Sister, The Dog {Uno} and their teddy-bears of course, those were the things I truly wanted, the things that mattered. I tend to think logically and when things begin to seep into my logical thought process they tend to reshape my whole life...........................................................I am LETTING GO...............................THINGS THINGS THINGS! I am looking at these pictures of devastation in Japan and my heart aches for the pain of so many. But I am also noticing not just in the aftermath media, but in everything, everywhere, so many things, so many vehicles, so many houses, so much debris, so much extra stuff in our homes, lives, all of these things, these many extra things, too many things, too many things!!......................................And thus the following series of thoughts, realizations and awareness of the past few days..............................I Notice Resonation...................I make decisions in alignment with my Resonation.............I am choosing to let my EGO GO & BE Unconditional Love!..................I can choose every thought and decision based on either fear or love......................Fear is a low vibration holding us back from being our potential selves.................LOVE.............................Love is a high vibration that reaches out, to everyone, everything, our cells, the waters, the planet, the universe, ALL.................................One event, situation or decision does not DEFINE the person, it is simply a choice, made from either love or fear........................................A Lesson in Releasing...........New ideas................................Ah-Ha's...........................Realizations......................................A FlOoDiNg of Emotions....................................Forgiveness....................Using the Key Forgiveness to Shape a Happier more ABUNDANT life and Reality.....................................Unconditional LOVE............................EXPRESSION.....................Hurt, Anger, Disappointment; they happen. Feel Them, Express them, Embrace Them, Release them and allow Healing to take place...................Release.............................I am Grateful for my Avatar Body.....................I embrace my Role as Mother..................I am Living in The Moment for LOVE, for The Universal Whole, for All Consciousness, for Myself and All that IS..........I am Shifting into More Harmony, Awareness & Peace...............LOVE.........I am AwArE...........I am Noticing.......Synchronicity is All Around Me...............ABUNDANCE......................I am Holding Hope.................................................I am OPEN to all answers.....................I am OPEN to All Questions...................I am Open to all Paths.........I am LOVE...................You are LOVE..............................Let US ALL be LOVE..................................

~L~O~V~E~

Pohole Ferns: Available to You!

2011-03-03T08:26:00.005-09:00

I wanted to share with everyone a great product I discovered on Maui! It is the ferns I used for my Raw Spirit Dinner and I was recently informed that they can ship anywhere!! They have a delicious flavor and unique texture. So if you ever want to treat yourself, buy some POHOLE!!

Pohole is a good source of Vitamin A, B's & C. It has twice as much iron as an equal serving of spinach. There are also trace amounts of calcium and protein.

Scientists are just discovering how nutritious fiddleheads (the family of ferns pohole is from, fiddleheads are also found in Alaska, harvest time is early spring, before they uncurl!) are — even better than blueberries, the gold standard for antioxidants. They have found that fiddleheads are twice as strong as blueberries with regard to antioxidant activity.

Antioxidants help to support and neutralize free radicals linked to the development of a number of illnesses. Test show that fiddleheads are packed with the nutrient omega-3 fatty acids.

Fiddleheads are a good source of dietary fiber. They are low in sodium, and contain vitamins A and C, niacin, potassium, phosphorus, iron, and magnesium.

Get Your Fern On!

http://www.hanaherbs.com/id1.html

Raw Spirit 2011: Dreaming Awake!

2011-02-15T08:32:00.005-09:00

The Best Valentines Day Gift Ever

~experience~

A few weeks ago I was asked to be a chef at the Raw Spirit Festival here in my town. I was so ecstatic at such an honor, I had been working on attracting a way to go to the festival for free and it just out of the blue dropped into my lap! Then I found out that we had a ZERO Dollar food budget and it was my 'job' to find sponsors to donate the food!

I have spent the last few weeks reaching out to the community, farmers and health food stores asking for donations of fresh, raw, organic produce to make a dinner for 150+ people at the Raw Spirit Festival: BLISS CAMP!

I have learned so much about myself in this short time, although this task felt completely daunting and impossible at moments, I realized what an amazing opportunity it would be to prove to myself that I can do anything and do it well!

I slowly collected the ingredients I needed, the night before my dinner someone took half of my bananas and tomatoes out of the kitchen and distributed them! It felt like a huge set back, not only did I figure out who did it, when I asked about it she suggested I use the radishes she donated, oh yes, radish dessert and radish cucumber italiano would be great!! So yes, I was irritated, judgemental and in disbelief that someone would just take stuff of mine that was tied shut in a bag that was tied to another, which had my name written on it!! I had to go home to redirect my thoughts, because I was PISSED! Went to sleep and in the morning knew that no matter the situation, my life is filled with abundance, I created this opportunity for myself, and it is my choice whether it goes well or I stress about it and fail! Failure definitely not my style! So I danced. YES, danced. I cranked up the tunes and danced through my house feeling the joy of success and abundance in my life and after a few hours of that, I was ready, I grabbed the food from the fridge and headed to the festival!

When I arrived the speaker was giving a speech about sending love to those who drive you nuts, irritate you or people you just don't like; okay okay, So I spent some quality time focusing love to this inconsiderate woman and let it go. I felt better and was ready to fulfill my dreams of the perfect meal!

I spent the beginning of the day in full relaxation mode, laid in the 'floating bed,' a suspended tee pee style bed, so cozy and comfortable. Met a new friend who climbed in who turned out to be one of my kitchen helpers (Anna), loved her energy from the moment I saw her. I got an early start on the food and walked into the kitchen with love, confidence, joy and gratitude bubbling from every facet of my being! I organized well, delegated well, the food tasted amazing, all of the food was done by 6pm (right on time) and on plates aka banana leaves! I infused the dishes with reiki, positive energy, love and we all did some tribal~happy dancing to kick the food up a few notches!! It was a beautiful experience, I literally felt high; elated! And I am so ready to do it again!

Providing nourishing foods full of nutrients, love, time and energy is an incredible service to be able to offer my brothers and sisters of this abundant planet. To have their hearts and taste buds tantalized and satisfied is such a wonderful accomplishment.

I moved to Maui to pursue my dreams..And here I am,

DREAMING AWAKE!

I am so blessed and grateful for this experience and all those to come!

It has been a magical wonderland of experiences, emotions and accomplishment!

My Tropical Pudding Dessert, it was oral~gasmic for sure!

My Beautiful Assistants Loving Up the Salad: Sister Cheyenne and Friend Anna

I requested the dressing be massaged into the kale and pohole with love! And they did a most excellent job!

TRAVINN MY ANGEL

Travinn's autonomy, communication skills and freedom are wonderful things to nurture and how lucky to be in an environment where allowing such things is safe and worry-free; a gift, to both of us. It feels great to allow your child to stray from your side to pursue what interests him. He had someone paint his face, learned to hula hoop, made friends and got to make his own decisions, guided by only himself. Watching as this beautiful young boy determines more and more each day the kind of person he will be is incredible. I am so blessed to be his mother, I learn so much from him everyday, about myself, life, my ideals and the value of patience! I am so grateful to have been a part of such an environment and experience!

During the festival I traded chaga for chocolates, kale chips and an entire case of organic cold pressed coconut oil, met a few connections to pursue wholesale bulk foods, possibly supply chaga to a distributor, and... after my dinner was served a woman approached me looking to see if I would be interested in providing some private lunch catering!! Oh Heck to the YES! Also have other friends interested in starting up some raw food business endeavors, what an amazing part of my journey!! And its only going to get better, I assure you!

Throughout this experience working with the festival I had numerous support and encouragement, but the person who helped me the most and remained my constant supporter is my dear friend Shane. Never did he have a doubt that I was capable of succeeding. He supported me through love, kindness and reassurance each and every day. He spoke the truth and I always knew he would be there for me. He speaks from his heart and I am grateful to have met him, immediately recognize him from the depths of my soul, beginning a certain 'type' of 'girlfriend/boyfriend' relationship, accepting that it wasn't the best situation or timing for either of us, which was a very painful experience, and yet grow together from it; to be friends with him is a gift. To allow attachments to titles and emotions past to dissipate and come to one another in a place of love and sincerity is something I think most people don't allow themselves to experience. Letting go of pain (completely an ego inspired emotion)and allowing yourself to love someone simply for being them, whether they have hurt you or you disagree with what they have done, it is a liberating event in ones life to let it go; also something I learned through forgiveness towards my parents. It is an invaluable tool to create happiness in your own life.

Living in Abundance is key, and reminding yourself at every moment that there is abundance and it can be yours!

The FOOD on Banana Leaf Plates

To have such an opportunity and share it with my sister Cheyenne was so perfect, she is the most wonderful person I could imagine spending much of my time with, she helps me through all things I encounter in life, assists me in the raising of my beautiful child and no one in the world would have been better to be by my side in creating this meal. I am truly lucky to not only have such a wonderful sister, but to have her here with me on this part of our journeys.

*RECIPES*

Cucumber~ Italiano

Sliced Cucumbers

Kalamata Olives

Cilantro

Tomato

*Process & Top Cucumbers

Sesame~Ginger Salad

Kale, Chopped

Pohole Ferns, Chopped

Sesame Seed

Dressing

Sesame Oil

Grapefruit Juice

Lemon Juice

Fresh Ginger Juice

Sea Salt

Tropical Pudding

Ground Chia Seed

Banana

Pineapple

Mango

*Blend to creamy perfection, allow 30 minutes to firm

Cha-Cha-Chia!

I leave this experience with the utmost confidence in all of my capabilities and trust that living in abundance is always available to me.

I am a servant to humanity, to help, to heal, to nourish mind, body and soul.

To make healing foods for the masses.....

Dare I....

!!!!DREAM AWAKE!!!!

The Maui Me of Me

2010-12-10T22:37:00.005-09:00

I came here to meet myself, to look within myself in truth and live in honesty and wholeness. I have taken the time to begin deep healing of my soul, learned about Reiki and received my first attunement, which has been a blessing on my path and I feel myself drawn towards helping so many people with the magnificent tool of Reiki! I received a number of messages during my reiki session, mostly in the form of flashes and messages my Reiki Master verbalized, all linked by the theme of loss.

Some of the flashes and emotional ties consisted of the following;

I lost a pregnancy when I was 17 with someone I loved very much and had hoped so much I would be with for many many years, I rarely think about this event and was extremely surprised when it came into my consciousness,

The loss of this lover, best friend, and amazing person also came through, I lost him as a partner, I lost him as a friend.

The loss of the many amazing and moving outdoor experiences in Beautiful Alaska I have had, taken too and experienced because of my father that will never be again,

I was also told that I was still recovering from the birth of my son, which in so many ways, mentally, emotionally and physically all hold truth, truths I rarely look at,

All of these losses hold so many emotional strings and tie me to my past so I am working on each issue individually and allowing these things to live in the past and detaching myself from the weight they bare on my present self.

The Labyrinths at The Sacred Gardens; this is a magical place on the mountainside tucked within the mighty trees of Maui, the atmosphere offers so much serenity! As I walked the first labyrinth the other day, after being drawn to them upon waking, The message I received was to simply allow, everything in life, to allow is to let go of all the anticipation and illusion of control, to allow things to flow in and out of my life, without naming or placing them and instead appreciating them in their simplicity, allowing good to flow freely into my life. The second labyrinth was an overwhelming, abundance of love, of all the Love in the world, in each plant, in each moment, in each person and thought and thing. I was open to the love, I am open to all the love in this beautiful world and i am dedicated to surrounding myself with love in each moment and trying my hardest to hold sight of that when I feel myself falling prey to anger. The mere thought of love brings a smile to my face and peace in my heart, try it, it feels good!

I am here, home, by the ocean, surrounded by aloha allowing my SELF to heal, grow and be filled with love.

I eat to satisfy my bodies nutritional needs with foods that promote clarity, wellness and vibrancy; whatever they may be, I don't need a category, I need to be me, vibrant! I welcome the changes that lye before me.

I am here, in my now, to meet myself as my whole-self, no hiding, learning to be kind to myself,

being me, knowing me, loving me, honouring me and allowing others to be who they are on their own path and recognizing that their issues are not mine.

All of my life has lead to this present reality I am living. I am grateful beyond words for my journey.

Love & Light,

Mariah~Moon

Opening & Moving Forward

2010-11-20T18:58:00.002-09:00

The past few days have been 'feeled' with forward healing momentum.... I decided to be completely honest with my parents and finally write them letters. I decided to approach the letters from a stand point of letting them know what I would wish for them, in their personal lives, in their perspective and what I wish they wanted to know about me. All the things I wish they could see in me. I began to make a list and set it down last night, to continue after some more thought...

I am extremely sure of myself, what kind of relationships I want to include in my life and what I am not willing to have as a part of my life. This is the clarity I believe lead to the following recent events.

A few day sago I received a message from my mother saying she loved me and missed me, I was shocked, tears rolled down my face and all I could think of was how much I wish she could take the step to begin healing herself, without change our relationship cannot change; I am not by any means saying it won't, but it must begin somewhere.

Last night I received an email from my sister telling me she was sorry for betraying my trust and how much she desired not only my forgiveness, but also our relationship. And how much she loves me and Travinn.

This morning I received an email from an ex who wanted me to know he doesn't hate me, just so I know.

And the icing on the cake...This evening I opened an email from my father, 1 year without speaking to me, after disowning me and telling me I am no longer his daughter, and all I could read was the first few words that included him telling me he has always loved me and calling me his bald-headed baby. I have yet to find the emotional strength to read the letter, but I am looking forward to it, with nervousness though.

All of these amazing shifts in my life have taken place within such a short time and they feel astounding! As much as these occurrences seem like they would take a huge emotional toll on me, I am actually ready for them, I am open to them and moving forward. I look forward to the continuing of my journey with all of the emotional ties finding resolution through subtle yet huge pieces of communication.

I spent time with a friend today who helped me so much, out of the goodness of his heart and when I hugged him goodbye a wave of gratitude came over me and I am so so thankful for the beautiful people filled with love and light who are coming into my light and all we have to offer one another.

Love & Light to All,

Mariah Moon

The Most Beautiful Sunset...

2010-11-11T22:04:00.003-09:00

Tonight I finally had the opportunity to take a half an hour to myself to enjoy a walk on the beach in the sunset. Tonight's sunset was awe inspiring. The world seemed to melt into oneness. The clouds of all different shapes and sizes and colors, illuminated with the beautiful glowing gold light, the sounds of the waves crashing upon the shore, the crabs crawling from their homes in under the sand right at sunset, right on cue, feeling the sand beneath me, between my fingers and toes, a soft breeze against my skin and a smile upon my face while love flooded my heart and body... all of these many things, many emotions and sensations, all melded into oneness...

It seems to me that our human-ness itself is our biggest distraction from our ability to transcend our hang-ups into re-realizing what we truly are, that we are all one, we are all the god-energy, we are all connected and existing as one breath....

A part of the deep love and connectedness I was experiencing tonight reminded me of how amazing it felt at the Raw Spirit festival to be surrounded by so much love and how much I want people full of love to be a constant in my life. It is like an energy-high when you are in groups of amazing loving people; something I want to recreate in my life on a daily basis. So....the reoccurring thought/topic that I keep coming back to is a self-sustainable community of conscious, loving, healthy people living off of the land, not within the 'system.' Whether it be joining an existing community or creating my own I feel that is the direction I am headed.

I moved to Maui with the intention to build a tree-house with natural materials and live off of the land in the most minimal impact way possible..That is a part of my dream....

* I intentionally chose not to take my camera with me to the beach so my memory serves as the only proof the beauty of tonight's sunset...

Love & Light

Breathe & Focus!

2010-04-01T11:45:00.002-08:00

From time to time I feel a bit lost, a bit challenged, then I wait, not always so patiently, for the clouds to clear away and for my path to be illuminated. I look around at whats normal, by that I mean mainstream, average, the norms of our society & I have strayed from so many of those, the biggest challenge in straying; sometimes you feel so damn alone & isolated. If I wandered back into the norms of society as well as the norms of my past, I would be denying myself my own truth, and in self-deception, I find no joy, no comfort, no wellness, no love or hope.

So all though sometimes I feel like running away from society and hiding amongst the trees, I stay, I find purpose and I am here to offer help. I have a head full of knowledge, resources, lifestyle experience and I LOVE sharing my wealth. The problem is as human beings we want to help those closest to us, the ones we love and care about the most, yet the ones we are here to help are simply the ones who seek help, which may or may not be the ones we love. Don't get me wrong I have seen the ripple effect that example creates and it is a beautiful thing, I offer myself to the betterment of anyone who seeks, but I can no longer focus energy in directions that lead no where. I seek those who seek change in their lives, I allow these people to be drawn to me and I offer all I have to give.

I am ready to actively offer myself to people who desire the change. To make the effort to be known, to share freely information that has transformed my life. I find purpose in teaching, sharing, loving, caring. These things line my path to be walked in this lifetime, I see them, I accept them and now I move forward with more determination and certainty than I have known before.

My life has changed in fantastic ways, I have released habits, depression, weight, family, material possessions, things that do not serve me; now I fill my life with love, joy, fulfillment, happiness. I have gained immeasurable amounts of truth, honesty and love, the ability to think clearly, to love fully; it is amazing what we can do as humble human beings. Focus inward and truly meet yourself, let the fear subside, you are a beautiful being of light, let your light shine.

I do not need to fit a category of beauty or eat like everyone else or approve of others choices or hope people approve of mine, I live in my truth and pray others see the benefits of wellness, it is not a part of your life, it is your life and with improvement and growth in one area, change begins to spread through your being and you become more whole.

LOVE IS MY RELIGION

In Need of Encouragement! And Shanes Birthday!

2010-03-24T09:10:00.008-08:00

The Raw Foods Lifestyle makes my body and mind happy!

I can breath, I can run, I can jump on a trampoline, I can ride a bike, take a walk, jog, no asthma symptoms! This is only amazing to those of you who understand the way it feels to have severe asthma, to not be able to breath is a horrible feeling, there were times where I would lay down and think I was going to die, extremely scary! And I had to give up sports and exercise that I loved when I was only a child.

I can think more clearly, love myself and others with more intention and honesty. I can choose happiness, I can be grateful for all things in my life, I can see a future, hell, I can even create my own future, I don't feel sad and victimized by the world anymore, now, my world is my own creation!

I've been living a Raw Food Lifestyle hardcore since June 1st, even done a few fasts in that time, because it feels great! Because my life has been enhanced on all levels since adopting a healthier way of life. But recently I've been eating some cooked foods, tortilla chips, vegan goodies, popcorn, things that do not make me feel good, make my body feel sluggish, feels clogged, I feel more mopey and it has been driving me crazy! I don't like eating this way, I gain weight, I feel like I have lost control and I lose my motivation! Wondering why I am doing this I realize I have come to such a pivotal point in my life, where all things are changing.

My family dynamic is changing in all ways, my father is no longer a part of my life, I rarely see my mother, My sister who also happens to be my best friend has moved away and I am so happy for her, but miss her like crazy and so want to live closer to her, dealing with the dynamics of my parents has been extremely, still is, difficult. I have a hard time understanding how I can feel this way about the people who are my parents, but I think it may just take time. I finally found someone I can share my life with, which means my little family of 2 just became a family of 5, with a partner, with love, new house, new people and their habits to get used to. I stopped working my regular job to venture out on my own, to help people, but I am shy and really need to push myself, creating a space for my business that I am thrilled about. My son is going to be 5, heading to school, I am ready to leave this state and seek out warmer climate! Deadline for my Bachelors degree is coming up fast and I have been slacking!

Point of the story, I feel like there are a bazillion changes in my life and I have always turned to eating for comfort, I suppose I am looking for a little support here, some words of encouragement! Trying to maintain a healthy happy diet without binging or eating 'crappy' foods is a struggle lately which leaves me feeling guilty and weak, which doesn't help!

I absolutely LOVE making raw food meals and deserts and goodies, it feels empowering, it's just a matter of getting back in the groove!

I can still whip up some yummy nummy raw dishes and I like to make em' with love!

For Shane's birthday I drove to Fairbanks and for dinner we had salad and went to the hotsprings and spent an awesome evening together! I told him dinner was anything he wanted so when he said salad, I stopped holding my breath, I was really hoping he didn't go for the steak or ribs! But it was perfect, I fell in love all over again!

On Friday night when he got back home I had his daughter help me make Raw Fajita Vegggies, Raw Carrot Cake & Raw Maple Icecream for his birthday with the kids! Veggies turned out marvelous! Cake, well as you can see plastic baggies as a substitute come with risk! A chunk of coconut butter clogged the tiny hol ein the bag and as his daughter squeezed it, it exploded all over the cake!

~~FAJITA VEGGIES~~

Slice the Following:

Jicama

Peppers

Yellow Onion

Tomatoes

Mushrooms

Kale

Cilantro

Throw in a bowl, Top with Olive Oil, Cumin, Chili Powder, Sea Salt, Garlic Powder, Dab of Apple Cider Vinegar (optional)

Stir together then dehydrate for an hour 'til warm! Eat on top of greens or wrap in romaine, a side of avocado makes a tasty addition as well!

~~RAW MAPLE ICECREAM~~

This recipe is fabulous, I tweaked it a bit and we added some peppermint, but it is a really sweet and satisfying desert! This is the original recipe link:

http://www.therawtable.com/recipecoll/mapleice.htm

~~RAW CARROT CAKE~~

Original Recipe at:

http://www.goneraw.com/node/2020

Love and Peace to All!

My Life is Not Perfect, But it is Awesome....

2010-03-04T11:46:00.004-09:00

DAY 4 Juice & Tea Fast

Every time I think I am there, I realize I can go further...

I am feeling such a surge of freedom. I worked so hard to buy a house for my son and I, I accomplished what I set forth to do. It is so easy to become attached to these things we work for, but as life would have it, Seeking love and family put my 'accomplishment' in a place of excess, I no longer need a home to myself if I choose to move forward and seek new adventure. Clinging breeds stagnation. It is time to let go once again, I have let go of so many attachments and beliefs in the past year I feel as if I am constantly being renewed. I am me without the people I called parents, without the people who brought darkness and negativity to my life. Letting go of my beliefs of being alone for a lifetime, that Alaska is my only home, that I can never leave, feeling stuck, feeling alone, all these belief s that didn't serve a higher purpose, I am letting go and moving on, I am allowing happiness to be a part of me. And it feels so fulfilling, I feel like I am floating on a cloud of joy.

I am constantly aware of the conditioning I was raised with, hate and anger were the seeds of love as I grew to adulthood. I met a man when I was 16 who changed my life, he taught me how to love without hate, it was an amazing lesson. It has taken me many many years to apply it fully in my life, for without self love it is hard to accept or return love on an honest level, but I am conscious of it now.

I find myself from time to time slipping into insecurity and relying on the self-defense mechanisms I have used for so many years, my little tool belt of cruelty. I said something to someone I love last weekend that was mean and completely unnecessary, I regret it deeply and I am so thankful for the love and understanding I receive from this person. I spent most of my life a very mean, cruel, hateful, demeaning, violent, controlling, SAD person. I did not know the light even existed.

I now bathe in the light everyday and feel gratitude for every piece of my blessed life. learning to value my past, let go what is no longer needed and how to appreciate all facets of my journey.

My diet is the path that brought me so much healing. I sought the answers, the truth, a way, and I found it. A diet of pure whole foods creates the path to a body and mind of wholeness and clarity.

I am so grateful to be loved deeply as I am. So honoured to be given such a wonderful gift, a partner, a friend, what I have sought for so long, I embrace LOVE , in all~ways...

Raw Chocolate Loves

2010-02-15T10:30:00.003-09:00

Chocolate Love

Cacao Powder

Cacao Butter (M)

Coconut Oil (M)

Coconut Butter (M)

Vanilla Bean

Vanilla Extract

Agave

Cinnamon

Sea Salt

(M)= Melted, not boiled!

Add dry ingredients to Melted ingredients, stir, add agave or other sweetener of choice, pour into mold or any flat container, let set in freezer, very melty so serve chilled!

Taste Amazing! Pre-teen & Toddler approved!

The Recipe of My Joy

A Girl Dreaming with Intention, A man Seeking freedom through truth, An unlikely place of meeting, a connection the moment they met, A sense of intertwined fates,

Take my hand and walk with me through bonds of Body, Mind, Emotion & Spirit. My Love is intense, my heart is free. Thank you for your love! Sharing something so sacred in the depths I seek is an amazing gift, with gratitude I hold you in my heart.

Where is the Love? Sometimes You Should Say No!

2010-02-02T16:41:00.002-09:00

8 Reasons You Should Stop Drinking Milk Now:
By Mickey Z.Astoria, NY, USA Wed Sep 30, 2009 12:00 PM ET

What could be more American than a glass of milk? Cow's milk, that is. In light of this common perception, the time is long overdue to add the milk mustache to that ever-growing list of American myths. Human beings are not designed to drink any milk except human milk (only during infancy, of course). As you'll see below, consuming dairy products—milk, cheese, yogurt, sour cream, ice cream, etc.—is not green and it's not healthy.

It's also a nightmare for the cows themselves. Here's a little of how the folks at GoVeg describe it: "The 9 million cows living on dairy farms in the United States spend most of their lives in large sheds or on feces-caked mud lots, where disease is rampant. Cows raised for their milk are repeatedly impregnated. Their babies are taken away so that humans can drink the milk intended for the calves. When their exhausted bodies can no longer provide enough milk, they are sent to slaughter and ground up for hamburgers."
*Living dairy-free has never been easier...so here's a little motivation to get you on the greener, cruelty-free, not-milk track.

Environmental Reasons to Avoid Milk

1. Dairy cows produce waste.Lots of waste. In fact, your average dairy cow produces 120 pounds of waste every day—equal to that of more than two dozen people, but without toilets, sewers, or treatment plants.

2. Let me repeat: Dairy cows produce lots and lots of waste (and greenhouse gases). California produces one-fifth of the country's total milk supply. According to MilkSucks.com, "in the Central Valley of California, the cows produce as much excrement as a city of 21 million people, and even a smallish farm of 200 cows will produce as much nitrogen as in the sewage from a community of 5,000 to 10,000 people, according to a U.S. Senate report on animal waste."

3. Milk production ultimately leads to climate change. The dairy industry is an extension of the beef industry (used-up dairy cows are sent to the slaughterhouse after an average of four years, one-fifth their normal life expectancy) which means it plays a major role in creating climate change. Here's the equation: The dairy industry uses cows before passing them on to be slaughtered by the beef industry which is now recognized as an environmental nightmare. "According to a UN report," writes Brian Merchant, "cows are leading contributors to climate change ... Accounting for putting out 18% of the world's carbon dioxide, cows emit more greenhouse gases than cars, planes, and all other forms of transportation combined." That means the industry of exploiting all cows—including dairy cows—involves destructive practices like deforestation and polluting offshoots like runoff.

4. Milk often contains unwanted ingredients. Under current industrial methods, cow's milk is often a toxic bovine brew of man-made ingredients like bio-engineered hormones, antibiotics (55% of U.S. antibiotics are fed to livestock), and pesticides—all of which are bad for us and the environment. For example, unintentional pesticide poisonings kill an estimated 355,000 people globally each year. In addition the drugs pumped into livestock often re-visit us in our water supply.

Which brings us to...
Health Reasons to Avoid Milk

5. Cow's milk is for cows. The biochemical make-up of cow's milk is perfectly suitedto turn a 65-pound newborn calf into a 400-pound cow in one year. It contains, for example, three times more protein and seven times more mineral content while human milk has 10 times as much essential fatty acids, three times as much selenium, and half the calcium. Some may like cow's milk but drinking it is both unnecessary and potentially harmful.

6. Milk is actually a poor source for dietary calcium. Humans, like cows, get all the calcium they need from a plant-based diet. 7. Contrary to popular belief, milk may increase the likelihood of osteoporosis. It is still widely accepted that the calcium in dairy products will strengthen our bones and help prevent osteoporosis, but studies show that foods originating from animal sources (like milk) make the blood acidic. When this occurs, the blood leeches calcium from the bones to increase alkalinity. While this works wonders for the pH balance of your blood, it sets your calcium-depleted bones up for osteoporosis. As explained by John Robbins, "The only research that even begins to suggest that the consumption of dairy products might be helpful [in preventing osteoporosis] has been paid for by the National Dairy Council itself."

8. Milk makes you fat. In 2005, the Harvard School of Public Health had this to say on the consumption of dairy products: "Three glasses of low-fat milk add more than 300 calories a day. This is a real issue for the millions of Americans who are trying to control their weight. What's more, millions of Americans are lactose intolerant, and even small amounts of milk or dairy products give them stomach aches, gas, or other problems."
It's easy to go dairy-free. Here are 7 easy vegan recipes to set you off on the right path.
*Editor's Note: If you aren't ready to take the dairy-free plunge, cutting back is a significant step in the greener direction, as is cutting back on meat if not cutting it out entirely.

2009, that was a full year!

2010-01-01T17:03:00.008-09:00

Things from 2009:

Broke someones heart

Bought My own House
Disowned by a Parent
Let go of Someone I was holding onto for no reason
Had an incredible Energy Healing Session
Made peace with following my Heart
Realized my Sister is my all time Best Friend and Favorite Person
Quit Working
Became a Temporary Stay at Home Mom
Became an Aunty
Opened my Own Business
Went on a Vacation All Alone
Went to a huge Raw Festival all Alone
Reconnected with another one of my favorite persons, Jess!
Made out with a woman on video which is now on the Internet, that was actually a goal in 2009, fancy that!!!
Went RAW
Lost almost 25 lbs, am finally in a healthy weight range
Started writing 2 books
Learned to trust someone to love me like I deserve
Attended the most loving wedding I have ever been to
Kayaked in the Puget Sound
Discovered the blatant sorrows of people on the bus system in big cities
Watched my son turn 4 years old
Turned 26 years old, surrounded by love
Saran wrapped a bus drivers seat
Added permanent hair wraps to my head
Met Shane
Lost someone I loved very very much
Learned to Snowboard, also learned i love it!
Had my first Thanksgiving without my Parents
Set up my first Faux Christmas Tree
Rode a Bike, without asthma issues, in fact, I just don't have asthma anymore, thank you diet of raw foods!
Made tons of Raw yumminess
Taught a Raw Foods workshop
Learned first hand how naughty emails end up somewhere they aren't supposed to
Discovered my Chaga love, now I see it EVERYWHERE
Went swimming in freezing ass water just to see if a boy would too
Made an Awesome new Friend who's son is now Travinn's Awesome new friend too!
Marveled as my son learned to spell
Found out where to pick the big berries in Hatchers
Got a free tattoo
Went out as a DD for a friend I never thought would drink, haha!
Dressed like a viking
Met a Man I Love in the most Perfect and Genuine Way
WAS GRATEFUL EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE AMAZING LIFE I LIVE!

Some In'ten'tions for 20'10'

2010-01-01T11:09:00.002-09:00

1. Use all the food I bring into the house

2. Organize my space

3. Pay all bills on time

4. Allow more Love in my life than I ever knew possible

5. Be successful in everything I do

6. Complete my B.S. in Natural Health

7. Finish and Publish both books

8. Do all things in harmony with my true self

9. Release Fear

10. Continue my RAW journey, discovering myself, helping others, inspiring people to help themselves

The Key Ingredient to Joy: RAW Foods!

2009-12-07T13:26:00.002-09:00

I'm finding inspiration all around me, In the simple things!

I love my son dearly. He is my inspiration for choosing a life lived to the highest potential. It is so easy to feed your kid healthy snacks and meals, be creative, make it fun, a melon bowl is a blast for toddlers! Start with fruits and veggie sticks, make fun shapes out of them, have a green smoothie tea party with your kids!!! Have fun and they will carry it with them into their adult lives!

Ooh lala! My first Yogurt experience!

Strawberry Coconut Frozen Yogurt

Coconut Yogurt:

Meat of 3 young coconuts

3 capsules of probiotics

blended until creamy, placed in bowl with cover and set out at room temperature for 2-3 days

* will be quite sour

When done, blend yogurt with frozen strawberries, sweetener optional; use agave or soaked dates or raw honey!

So delicious, simple and good for you!!

Thank You Thanksgiving!

2009-11-27T14:44:00.006-09:00

My weekend has been truly wonderful!! My sister and I were busy busy Wednesday Night making all sorts of raw creations! Fajitas, cheesecake, kale chips, green bean casserole, mango tart, corn salad, Cheys Slammin' Salad and a whole bunch more! Then my sweet heart showed up with Beautiful sunflowers, oh how he shines in my life! We had a great evening together then Thanksgiving day came along and oh the things I am thankful for!! There are an endless amount of things I am grateful for, but today I am going to focus on the events of Thanksgiving day.

I dressed up my handsome little man in t-shirt and jeans, dress shirt underneath, we're casual-dress-up like that! He's my love-bug, I am so eternally grateful for the joy this little boy brings and shares with me

I am also so very grateful for my extended family! Shane, Travinn and I went to an aunt and uncles home for our 2pm dinner and had a wonderful time seeing people I haven't seen for a while, small talkin it and sharing joy. To be surrounded by people who are interested in how I am and what I am doing as well as being supportive, It's a good fuzzy feelin!! Plus I got to show off my Boyfriend!

Shane. I am so grateful to have this wonderful person in my life. He brings me joy in so many ways. I am supported, loved and treated kindly by him, he understands me without effort. I find a comfort with him that I have never known before. Sometimes I just stop to think about how strange it is to share so much of my self with this person whom I have only physically known for a few months. Its much like a puzzle piece, fitting snug and secure. I heart him lots and I am so happy I was able to spend this day of thanks with him.

And on the evening menu: Dinner at Brett's families home and to my great surpiser, after a full meal and quick fixin of food for the second dinner, Shane decided to rest and skip out on me- initial reaction-bummed, but alas, all is well, his daughter decided to go with me.

This was the first time I got to do anything alone with her and I was really surprised he allowed me to do this being the cautious father he is, which I respect immensely! And wow did that girl open up!!! I got an ear full and we sat outside her dads house for almost half an hour talking, it was bonding, it was nice. I am very grateful for the open arms of Shane and his daughter, who is also very good to Travinn.

Dinner was laid back and super fun, played a card game which the 12 year old was way better at than I, but being with people I love and my awesome amazing kindred sister, it was a perfect day! Falling asleep in the arms of the Man I love the most, while the boy I love the most rested his sleepy worn out body on the couch. All is well, my day of Thanks was complete in every way!

Chey and Brett and Brad

Kara and I, yes our team won! probably nothing to do with me though!!!!

A Lot of Honest. What is Family?

2009-11-22T16:07:00.002-09:00

I do not come from Love

Time to stop hiding from my reality. The emotional and mental abuse I endured growing up is real and has lasting effects. I work hard everyday to be the best person I can be and for these experiences I am grateful.

I do not come from a place of love. love and appreciation have been journeys to learn and express, something lacking, something I desired for so very long. . I have never felt appreciated in my relationships, family or romantically. I finally realize why, without those bonds growing up, it was a struggle to find what I needed, when what I needed was so unfamiliar.

But standing in my light, my truth: love, I release shadows from my life and with the shadows, sometimes whole persons. I am so very grateful for my wonderful friends who are more my family than ever before. I choose love and I love well. I choose to be supported. I choose love; plain and simple. If you can not love me, then don't try to stand in my light, it is much too bright.

My mother never liked me growing up. She currently shows interest in my son, but not me. she used to hit me and kick me all the time, called me a bitch the whole time i was growing up, told me i was the reason she was unhappy and how she would have had a great life if i were never born. She was never interested in the things I did; she has never liked me or acted like she was proud of me. It hurts very much, but on her own journey she must walk, may light find its way into her heart as I find myself releasing her from mine.

My father is an irrational fool, says things that aren't true when he knows damn well they aren't. He told me a few years ago that he wished he had drowned me when I was born, that I am a piece of shit and so is my sister.
I do not come from love, I come from complete meanness, it was cruel the way my parents have chose to treat me and it hurts, the hurt doesn't just go away because I have accepted it over the years, it still feels open and on occasion they rub some salt in it too. But only if I am around, aha! Thus the need to remove myself from the situation.

I have never been appreciated by anyone in my family except Cheyenne. Being around them I feel unwanted and unloved; so why would I keep making them a significant part of my life or my sons? that kind of treatment has no place in my happiness.

"This is your father, well the guy that used to be your father, if you have any shit over here you'd better get it out by today, I am erasing your number from my phone as soon as I hang up and I will no longer have any contact with you. And if you can let that little Bitch Cheyenne make you treat your mother the way you did and let her treat your mother the way she does than I don't need anything to do with either of you ever again, FUCK YOU."
-this is the voicemail I received because my sister chose to move out of the house after a heated argument stemming from my sister and mother talking about how I fall short of good parenting, which they see my son maybe an hour a week if that! So she has come to stay with me for a while. And as a result of the past month of issues and slowly disconnecting myself from them, I decided to not go to thanksgiving. The voicemail is in response to my horrible treatment of my mother by calling her and explaining to her I will not be coming to Thanksgiving, then she did the mature thing and hung up on me; yes I am quite horrible for acting maturely right?please!

Does that sound like love? or like a father? or a mother? I am confused. I don't think I have ever been truly loved by my parents and it saddens me so deeply. I want to love, support and honor my son, I can't fathom treating my child the way my parents treat me.

I have 2 other siblings that treat my mother like a slave, curse at her, yell at her, tell her what a piece of shit she is, ask and receive money constantly and yet, I am repeatedly told that Cheyenne and I are the ones that treat her badly; what the fuck? i mean seriously, what the fuck? The other all out brawls we've had in the past were over, yes every time, over how one of my siblings treat my mom and Cheyenne or i chose to stand up for her, only to be slapped back down by her and the rest of them .
It hurts, but hopefully walking my path without their anger and cruelty will be a blessing.

Holidays are something I hope can be filled with joy and happiness, I want my son to know love, love that honors and respects one another. Holidays in my life were represented by a few things; #1 family coming together, #2 fighting and arguing, #3 my mother stressed out and miserable over something; not my idea of holiday family love! I want more for my son and my self. This thanksgiving I find so many doors of love opening to my son and I and I am grateful for each of them. I will be with my son, the love of my life and my sister, I will be happy, for I choose those who love me.
I choose to believe and act in a way that supports love and respect. What is family? family are those people in my life who offer me love, advice, concern and support. I am trying to release this burden I have carried for so long called family-loyalty, but finally I have the tools I need: I realize that my definition of family needs a little tweaking.

By the Grace of the Universe

2009-11-06T13:37:00.002-09:00

Completely,

Perfectly,

Truthfully

and

Comfortably

Me,

Even

When

with

You

Food For My Thoughts

2009-11-04T20:19:00.004-09:00

Lately I've been doing a bazillion things and lacking focus. Falling in love, Improving my mothering skills, making dinner a sit down time, writing books, planning a dreamy vacation, daydreaming about my future, setting intentions, Starting a business, maintaining friendships: Time to Prioritize! I have been extremely lethargic lately, especially with the light fleeing the Alaskan winter days, so I am making a better effort to eat more greens, veggies and mushrooms; and I am already feeling better, so it must be time to share some more recipes!!!

(ABOVE) Flax Crackers & Energy Soup

Flax Crackers

2 cu soaked flax seed

2 medium tomatoes

1/2 cu pumpkin seeds

Chili Powder

Pinch of Salt

* Process then dehydrate overnight

Energy Soup

1 Apple

2-3 cu Spinach

sm head of Broccoli

1/4 cu Hemp Seeds

1 cu sprouts

1 Avocado

chili powder

garlic powder

sea salt

*Blend with enough water to make soupy consistency. Dehydrate left overs and use as a 'tortilla' for a delicious meal!

Pumpkin Coconut Dream topped with Chia Mix

3 cu Pumpkin

Flesh of 1 young coconut

6-9 Soaked dates

Water for consistency (date soak water)

Cinnamon

Nutmeg

Cloves

*Blend together until Creamy, refrigerate to set

Chia Mix

Chia Seeds

Pumpkin Seeds

Hemp Seeds

Dried Cranberries

Travinn helping make a delicious Apple breakfast from Stephanies blog! http://rawliciousbarbie.blogspot.com/2009/10/recovering-procrastinator.html

Spice Up Your Alaskan Nights!

Cashews (soaked for a few hours)

Spinach

Mushrooms

Ginger

Garlic

Cayenne

Turmeric

Nama Shoyu or Amino acids (optional)

Sea salt

Curry Powder

Big Squeeze of Lemon

* toss and enjoy

My son is amazingly thoughtful! Bought me calalilies today!! One of my favorite flowers, for four years old he knows me pretty damn well!

This is my dream manifesting into my reality. I am humbled by the blessings in my life.

Holding Fast to My Beliefs

2009-11-02T07:47:00.002-09:00

I offer no apologies for the choices I make in life. And against the grain is how I roll, not because its easy, no, ignorance is blissful, Too bad I am way beyond that! Its difficult being the minority, an entire society of norms that I won't be a part of, its not easy. But the rewards I reap for my persistence are awe inspiring.
I came from the life of misery, depression, obesity, hopelessness, asthma, disconnect....All of these things are a part of peoples everyday lives, not ours, and they shouldn't be a part of yours either. I make my choices to honor my body and spirit, the spirit I was once lost from. A will not falter for I cannot fail.
Yesterday I was mocked because I made a comment about a cooked dish sounding good! Well this particular dish is something that has very nostalgic memories of family, love and my grandparents, I did not eat it, but yesterday it sounded real good; however my thoughts always spin past a craving into, 'how will my body react to this?' and it wouldn't be good. Yesterday I had the best Sunday morning I recall, laying in the arms of love, gazing into the eyes of honesty and understanding, walking away from that joy and into a house of mockery and judgement really doesn't work for me, I don't deserve to be ridiculed for personal lifestyle choices that don't even affect these people (well maybe it does on an internal level, I suspect my choices create an avenue for them to look at their own choices and possibly thats where the resentment comes from).
I choose beneficial foods to put in my body, I am more in touch with my spirit, my true desires in life, and all of my family here on earth vibrating at a higher frequency than the 'most.' I created my life and to be where I am feels glorious. I will not live in a house with chemicals, they are unnecessary, harmful and toxic not only to the earth but to our own health; there are alternatives. I will not wash my body or slather my body in toxic cosmetics and body products. I will not raise my self or my son in a house where coffee, soda, dairy, commercially farmed animal products and junk food are staples. Our home should be a reflection of our body- not full of harmful substances that disconnect us from our higher selves and hold the potential to kill us. And trust me they do! You can find this out on your own if you simply remove the pollutants from your life, emotional, chemical, dietary, and relationship. One huge pollutant is negativity, another thing I can't raise my consciousness or my sons in the constant presence of. I don't watch the news, I don't listen to death metal, these things are filled with energy sucking negativity- what happy person needs that?

I am unwavering, not close minded, on my choices to detoxify my life in every aspect, So far I have found it easiest to live alone. I get lonely, but I will not settle for less than I deserve. (this is general by the way, not directed at anyone) I hope for consciousness to attract its way to me and I am so grateful for my raw community, although lately I have been a little closed in, but I am missing them already!
Surround yourself with love, nature and positive relationships and let your light shine!

The Path of the River: Mirrors

2009-11-01T17:36:00.006-09:00

The river waters run over, through, around, atop, below and against the rocks and roots and obstacles in its way. Nature doesn't provide a smooth, obstacle free path; we are intended to learn.

I find that relationships with loved ones, although they tend to grow over the years, the patterns remain the same for they are deep rooted. I have found that certain people in my life, that I love dearly, don't suit my needs, they don't provide the harmony I seek in relationships. To come away from an encounter knowing that someone begrudges you for your happiness, doesn't support you, thinks your thoughts and ideas are invalid and has unfounded opinions of you, it leaves me drained and unhappy.

Dear so n so female, you have always been a constant wall in my life, you never accepted me for the person I am and have been, you judge me harshly, you fault me for your unhappiness, you don't say kind words to me, your support is false if ever present. I am surprised the more conscious I become that two people so intertwined by biology can vibrate on such different levels and yours is so low that it feels like I am drained every time I am around you, this is a feeling I avoid in all other people, if someone drains me, I remove them from my life, but like I said, we are intertwined, but all threads can become unraveled. And yes, I understand that you are a mirror to my fears, but these fears were instilled upon me by you during my upbringing and in order for this melancholy relationship of ours to grow or be less damaging to me emotionally, something must change, for I am unwilling to to continue this way.

Dear so and so male, I find your ignorance and stupidity astounding. The truth of the matter is, I am smart, I do know what I am talking about if I am talking about it. To realize that I have more knowledge in some aspects than you was a hard fact for me to face, but it is blatantly obvious. You choose not to validate my knowledge, you choose to ignore my truth, you choose not to listen, you try to belittle me- as if words like stupid and moronic and idiot really effect me anymore, I am a being of light who has much knowledge and love to give, if you don't want to receive then by all means, don't waste your time, or mine. I am sad to see you ignore truth, but your path is your own and I don't want your constant negativity to be a part of my life.

Dear sweet child, I do my best by you and in return I see you falling into behaviors of my own child hood, I don't know if you have been influenced by environment around you or not, but to be yelled at, hit, kicked and words spilling from your lips that literally made my heart feel as if it was shattering, its not bearable, mothering is the most rewarding and difficult thing I have ever done. I fill your path with love and support and I pray very much that you find in me the tools you need to find an everlasting life of happiness.

Who I am, I find myself judged for my choices so often, that on occasion I feel the need to sit back and analyze my life. I am a strong woman who believes in love, I want a life filled with love, happiness, support, growth, equality, partnership and joy. I don't need make up to feel pretty, I have nothing to hide. I like to wear my hair messy, I'm keeping the twine I braided and knotted in for Halloween, cause I like it. I like to wear my septum ring. I like my tattoos to show. I like to let my weirdness flow and yell as loud as I can, often, for no apparent reason. I like that I say random things and few people understand me, although I am constantly seeking those who do. I like to wear my yoga pants with no underwear and wear over sized wool sweaters- and yeah, I do feel sexy when I'm wearing it! I don't feel obligated to fulfill others expectations of me. My boobs aren't perky, they used to be, I had a baby and have lost 70lbs, and no, I won't ever get a boob job because I am me, I am real, is there really a better way to be? Not for me (although I judge no one for making decisions that best suit their own happiness, whether they be choices I would make or not). I want to help others find more health, happiness and harmony in their lives, but not at the expense of my personal expression and self truth. I can't truly help others if I am suppressing pieces of me.

Love

So I recently made the conscious choice to find and embrace love. This is love. This is Shane. In him I find support, understanding, compassion, and hope. I have a rekindled faith in hope and everyday I learn something new about myself in my efforts to love him in the most honest and respectful way. I recognized my fear of 'liking someone more than they like me,' while wondering where it came from when a beautiful epiphany floated my way. And in it my key to freedom from this hindering thought. My fear is actually a need to be in control, to not be manipulated. As a result of my marriage I chose to be in control of all future situations so I couldn't be controlled, manipulated or abused ever again. In my marriage I was the one who loved and cared thus making it so easy for him to manipulate me because I wasn't important or respected, but I was willing to do anything for him. (Until I gained an ounce of self respect that is, much to do with being a mother.)

Ahh, releasing that hindrance felt wonderful, with realization comes such great freedom. I choose to love equally and respectfully, honestly and in a way that preserves my self truth as well as his. I choose healthy love for the first time in all of my life. And I am grateful that my mirror chooses me.

If I wrote You a Love Song...

2009-10-25T00:04:00.004-08:00

I would sing about the sky being full of more stars than ever before,

How the night is more crisp and clear,

How the sun shines for you and I,

How the electricity lifts me,

How I melt into you,

How your lips are like magic,

How your touch fills my depths with warmth,

How completeness accompanies being by your side,

The rush of emotions every time I see you,

The tingling sensation every time I think you,

The comfort I find in your arms,

The sense of home I find in your heart,

The breeze of joy that rushes past my face,

The sounds of serenity that fills my ears in the presence of you,

The end of a search,

The beginning of beautiful,

Surrounded by seeing, More Beauty than ever before,

The excitement in acceptance and appreciation,

The Gift I see in you Everyday,

The gratefulness in my spirit to know yours,

The sound of understanding,

The place of Love- Unfiltered,

My place of Peace living within You,

My place of honesty in which I requested,

The leaves fall slowly to the ground,

The sun smiles sweetly upon me,

The air supports my weightlessness,

In you I find Love,

A place of new,

A place of truth

A Light to Illuminate the The Dark

2009-10-22T11:05:00.003-08:00

Light shining bright,

Illuminating the Grey,

Ask and Recieve,

Choosing to believe,

I am grateful,

I am light,

I am sunbeam in a field,

A sparkle in the Night Sky,

Reason for Diamonds Streaming Down my Face,

Heart Pounding so Hard I swear it grew Wings,

Yellows and Greens Swirling through my soul,

Sweet Light Illuminating my Heart,

Thank You

Had Nots & Have Nows

2009-10-14T20:20:00.002-08:00

HAD NOTS

I had not love, I had not true friendship, I had not sincerity, I had not support, I had not understanding, I had not Love.

Today on my last day of work enjoying the lovely commute home, I was thinking about how much joy is in my life and how much it has to do with the relationships I surround myself in.

I used to date men that told me I was beautiful, right before they told me how no one would ever put up with me or love me other than them, they accused me of things that weren't true, they lied to me, they never understood me, they called me names, we'll leave the physical abuse vague, but you get the point, I had a hard time loving me and all I attracted were people who wanted to keep me down and hate myself so I was always there with them, too meek to leave. I knew the hurtful things they said and did were wrong, but after a while, it's hard not to think they're right and I was crazy for thinking I was better than that. Being told something over and over doesn't make it true, but sometimes it makes it believable. I didn't feel I deserved to be treated well. I didn't experience genuine feelings towards me, they were manipulative and I felt trapped and unhappy, for years. Emotionally I was caged because my feelings were never validated. The lack of sincerity was a constant hardship on my mind and things were only done for me so they could be used against me later. I was nothing more than an object, so easily mistreated and discarded. These relationships took so much of my light away from me. Finally I was ready to break free, never easily mind you, I stayed way too long, went back way too many times and allowed myself to be hurt over and over again. I was always yearning for more with a big hole in my soul where fulfillment should be, a constant hopelessness.

Finally: NO MORE

And My HAVE NOWS

I have now abundant love, abundant light, abundant friendship, abundant genuineness and all because I realized I deserve it. And I do, just as everyone does, but the mutual respect, honesty, openness and kind caring I am experiencing in a relationship- wow, unbeatable, believable, with effort, but unbeatable. I am so fulfilled in every aspect of my being. I am more conscious than I have ever been. I am open, honest and understood. I am excited about living and all the possibility!

My Sex, yes my sex, I am having the best sex of my life, the best I have ever experienced, EVER. The kind of sex I yearned for, the kind of lover I dreamed of, the kind of lover I thought may only ever live in my dreams, but finally- sex tied into all aspects of me and him and our bond, the physical sex, the emotional sex, the mental sex, the spiritual sex, the connection between us on all levels, ahh. Sex can be good with anyone, but to be mind blowing the best ever, this only happens when you have an amazing connection, mutual feelings and true honesty with not only each other, but within ourselves.

I have always been a fan of the 'falling in love' stage, as every woman is, but I want more, been asking people in long lasting relationships lately if its possible to remain in love, with very positive feedback, ah the Hope inspired! I look forward to someday looking into someones eyes and realizing just how in love I still am with this person, years and years later, the falling part is still there because growth never ceases, I look forward to the falling, the staying, the growing, and allowing.

All my dreams come true, just the way of the universe I suppose, I am living in this magic and I feel blessed.....

Hello Little Girl, What are You Waiting For?

2009-10-08T21:06:00.002-08:00

Ah, looking around I notice my messes, my actual clutter, more specifically the clutter that fills my car, i think all things are tied to emotions, so I ponder, why the clutter, physical clutter represents emotional personal clutter, aha! Why would I want clutter, well not that I want it but it is one of those safety net things, If I have clutter in my thoughts, physical life and A huge to do list bigger than I can handle, I never have to follow through with anything because I have too much on my plate. Well I have hit that point in my life where I am truly ready to de-clutter, when everything is organized I gain focus and focus is what I need right now. Without the clutter I can ACCOMPLISH, yay, what usually I set out to do and s-l-o-w-l-y move towards, I am ready to grab it, finish it and move on.

Releasing and Reacting with Forethought

2009-10-05T10:53:00.002-08:00

I find that my fears are continually reflected back to me in every relationship I encounter, friendships, work relationships, romance, all of them bring up the issues I need to release from my self. It is such free flowing work, everyday I grow immensely and this forward momentum feels fantastic, frustrating from time to time, but fantastic.

I finally feel I have the support I need in my life to grow in healthy ways that benefit not only myself but all of my relationships.

I create my reality and I carry in me the knowledge that the Universe delivers to me the things I truly want and need, for all of these blessings I am so grateful.

I choose to meet you in the here and now, the you you are in the present day, my gift to you, lets walk forward and allow the shaping of our lives to be as it is and create new, allow the past to quietly live where it belongs and not be a shadow on the present or future.

I choose to act not defensively, as has been my habit for years, but to react and act with forethought about who I truly am and what I truly want. Sounds simple but treating others as you'd want to be treated is usually what we lack. We tend to project and displace and act in fear...I choose not to.

Raw Potluck October!!!

2009-10-03T18:31:00.004-08:00

Who Knew RAW could look so Good? Delicious Day of great company and fantastic food!!!

The drumming Children

The Baby Girl Knows Whats Good for Her, Durian!

Ginger-Lemon-Garlic Mushrooms on Bok Choy

Cheyenne's First Detox Foot Spa

Pierre at the Beginning of his Foot Bath

The Nastiness thats no longer in His Body

Green Crackers and Some Yummy Nummy Dip

Figgy Pudding

Moms Contribution, So So Beautiful

Strawberry Banana Pudding

Jicama & Tomato topped with Spinach Nectarine Sauce

A Toast with Travinn to Change!!

2009-09-30T21:28:00.002-08:00

I feel like all the love around me swept me in this direction of manifesting. I litterally allowed myself to believe in something and tonight I sat there and watched it materialize in front of me, my spirit is like 'whoah' right now.

My life is incredible, the things I want are coming to me in amazing ways, my son is gettinig more of my time, I am about to embark on my small business venture, I have the tools and support I need, I have a boyfriend who quite frankly is turning into one of the best friends I could ask for, I am so me with him it really can't be put into words; I appreciate him, so, so very much and I am glad he stepped into my life to support me in this journey.

Life is good baby, my house, my family, my love, my self, my everything is right where it should be and it's oozing joy!!!!

My To Do List

2009-09-26T12:39:00.004-08:00

I've got the whole world, in my hands....

My Future

1. Finish BS in Natural Health

2. Finish writing Books

3. Publish Books

4. 10 Day Fast on Spring Water and Green Juices after Work is Over

5. Daily Affirmations

6. Teach a Class on Natural Health Every Week

7. Hold Monthly Raw Potlucks

8. Do Foot Spa Treatments

9. Open 'Mariah~Moon Wellness Center'

10. Finish MS in Natural Health

11. Certified Herbal Consultant

12. Teach Chakra Balancing/ Guided Imagery

13. Learn to do Herbal Body Wraps

14. Sale ArtWork

15. Buy property at Lake Louise for My Family

16. Erase someones Monetary Debt Completely (a gift I want to give, don't know who yet)

17. Build a Living Space for Conscious Folks to live as a community

Post Energy Healing Session Thoughts

2009-09-24T19:42:00.002-08:00

So this session and self healing work happens to coincide with a new and blossoming friendship with a man who is unlike any I have met before, so in light of that their is some extra thought put into relationships and what I deserve from one and what I am willing to give, so this entry may not make much sense, but in the end it is a means to a conclusion...

I want honest communication, genuine connection and I am ready for something in my life that is significant and magnificent and I am unwilling to settle for anything less.

I enjoy holding hands, feeling adored, being understood, loved, desired and knowing that I make the one I choose to be with just as equally happy.

I know that in the past I have attracted broken people because of my tendency to heal/help and because of that I am setting limitations, I choose to attract people that give and receive, not take.

I am a new person from the one I was before, no one has ever been loved by the person I am today and in that realization I see the great potential in my gift of love and although I give it freely, I also give it wisely.

I am conscious, available and ready for the joy life is bestowing upon me.

I choose to be with someone that understands I have lived a life before them and passes no judgement on me for this, that they are accepting, loving and understanding, that we meet in a place of true sincerity and acceptance in all ways.

I surround myself in a community of love and support. The people I know and meet enhance my life in positive ways. I know love on a deeper level than I have ever known before. I love my friends, my family and my enemy, for I know we are all one. I make time for all of my loved ones to ensure they know my love.

I forgive my mother for the way she loved me and I release all anger towards her. I am grateful for the pain I have felt and the hardships I have endured. I forgive 'him' for choosing to not be a husband or a father and I understand that he did not use me, he could only take what I gave. I release my anger towards Robert and choose to release him from my thoughts.

To ignore something is refusal to grow. I choose to look upon all aspects and issues in my life with certainty that acceptance and understanding lead to healing.

I live in Abundance

Sexuality vs. Spirit

2009-09-21T19:16:00.002-08:00

My blog is my outlet for pure honesty and self disclosure: you may learn things you don't want to know about me.

I come from an ever evolving sexual definition. I began as a silly girl in love, making love, turned into a girl who had sex to fill the holes in her heart, became monogamous and loved, fell in love with sex, had sex with people to hurt someone I loved at one time, a bout of celibacy, back to monogamy, more celibacy, monogamous sexual relationship with someone I didn't love or want in my life, back to a tinny bout of celibacy, and have decided that the emptiness I get after sex for the last year or so isn't worth having sex.

I am left with an emptiness only emotions can fill. Having sex without a mental, emotional or spiritual connection is draining to me, I can't find any value in the short minutes/ hours (all depends) of physical enjoyment. I am no longer a single thought being of simple sexuality. I need more.

I stand at a choice, I am not sure I even want to delve into a sexual 'event' without a strong sense of connectedness. On the other hand I have found sex that fulfills me, leaves me with no emptiness because a connection was established on other levels before the physical was explored. And upon exploring I discovered the feelings of being sincerely desired for who I am, not just a physical body and peace in my mind body and soul, when my actions are in alignment with my deeper self I evolve into personal harmony, a sense of fulfillment, knowing I am seen for more than just one facet of my self, I feel whole when I give and receive whole. A sense of true satisfaction.

When I have a purely sexual encounter with someone I give them a piece of my time, a bit of my mind and a part of my physical self, but when I am with someone who I feel an emotional bond to, I give them a piece of all of the above and a piece of my spirit. And I need to function on a spiritual level to maintain my wholeness.

So I wonder out loud, what draws me to purely sexual 'events' in my life when in the long run they don't fulfill me, is it habit or something more? I will act in a manner that appeases my sense of self and disharmony will just have to be my guide.

In Love

2009-09-20T15:40:00.002-08:00

I am in love, I am overjoyed, I am me.

There was a time not long ago when I stood in front of the mirror and all I could see was my face, I would purposely tune out the rest of my body because I loathed how I looked. With exercise, a raw foods diet and allowing the love I have for others to be reflected back to me, I finally love myself. I can look at my whole self in the mirror. I may not be perfect, but I love me for where and who I am right now in this moment, which is perfection to me.

I love my physical self, my emotional self, my spritual and mental self. I am committing to the goals I have set forth to accomplish and I am believing in my own success, allowinig the process.

I am manifesting the reality I choose to live in and it allows me endless amounts of self love. My life is a continual shifting from one vibration to the next and I climb higher and higher with each passing day. I am learning to allow love in my life in all shapes and forms it may be delivered. I am more open to possibility right now than I ever have been. Loving myself draws others towards me and I hope to share my light with as many as possible, but beware those of you looking to take, I do not plan on losing any of my light.

May our light grow and multiply together as beings of love... May self love be in the hearts of all those who cross my path...

Good Vibrations

2009-09-15T20:14:00.005-08:00

I love life and above are some photos of the simple things that make my life so wonderful, the silliness, the silence, the sun, my son, our beautiful earth, moments with the ones we love the most, the colors that dance across my eyes when they fall upon the tundra...

I'm vibrating on high lately! Just thinking about the world and how we are all connected and vibrating in the same ball of energy, thinking about how each individuals energy is added to the others to create the overall energy. And how my choices in life contribute. Kirtan is powerful, I can only imagine if the whole world was filled with people loving life and being happy, the world would know no sorrow, we would exist in harmony!

Which leads me to my first reason for this post: DEAD THINGS

Life, Death and Consumption are a cycle. The dirt eats the dead plants and dead animals, Animals eat the dead plants, people eat the dead plants and animals, we all eat each other and putting a veggie in your mouth is still a dead/ dying food. In order to eat meat and plants, we as humans cut them off from their life source and consume them to give us life energy. This is a perfect balance. A few exceptions such as sprouts etc. i don't think meat is a good choice for humans to eat, but its not the killing/ dead part that bothers me. i really don't have a problem with people eating game and fish, that is their choice and i think hunting and fishing can be compared to gardening, working with the food you feel a connection that isn't there in a grocery store.

And on to commercially raised animals and animal by-products. I think this has HUGE impact in the energy of our world, mass amounts of animals being denied a natural environment, injected with hormones and antibiotics, overcrowded, their offspring taken from them, denied personal space, mutilated, beaten, deformed, murdered, and why? Their is no balance in it, no respect, complete disconnect and lack of thought, none of those things contribute any positive energy to the universe, suffering is not a good thing. The health problems associated with the consumption of animal proteins and dairy are overwhelming, its astonishing that we live in such a blind society. We feed food to the animals that could feed the people of their world. i pray people open their eyes and choose not to be a part of such negativity. Animals, like humans deserve life without such sorrow. And be it most people believe humans are somehow above animals, we all live, all things are living and I believe there is a balance in respecting one another, one that is not a part of commercial big industry farming. The sadness of these animals contributes to the sadness of the world, they are vibrating too. We could change the world if we stopped being a part of such a negative activity. Being a part of the problem doesn't allow for internal healing, to be conscious means in every aspect and it is a deep road to delve into, but the benefits are amazing, its like heaven on earth. Not eating commercially raised animals is a simple and extremely powerful contribution to the world. Be the Change.

And on to me, my choice to be whole and happy. I consciously choose to no longer maintain relationships with people who want to hurt me, physically, mentally or emotionally. To allow abuse in my life is to be abusive towards myself, I realize this now, took a bit of violence to see it clearly, but I am there now and I release all pain associated with abusers. I know what I deserve and in order to maintain my own harmony, I release me ties to those of you who have tried to pull me down, tried to break me, I am deserving of so much more. I am choosing to attract people full of life and love. I have no need for drama, I have my family, my home, my friends and my life that I create. I have a heart full of enough love to fill this whole world and I want to share. I attract opportunity and love life, this is my gift to the world, through my diet choices, mood choices, attitude choices and overall lifestyle choices, my choice to care, not selfishly, but genuinely care about all the life energy I am connected to... This is my gift to the universe, myself and you.

The more simple we live, the less chemicals and pollutants we put in our bodies, the easier it is to be whole, appreciative and truly find ourselves.

To heal the self, to facilitate healing in others, to be a vessel of healing, we must cleanse our thoughts, emotions, actions, physical bodies and minds of negativity. Cherish the simple beauty of nature, the love from a child, the passion in people dreaming, the lessons we have learned, so much beauty in front of you, choose to see. Consider the kind of energy you feed your body mind and soul. Be the Change

BEST Energy Ionic Foot Bath

2009-09-13T07:28:00.004-08:00

This is my first Session Photo, everyone's results are different, but its a great tool for detoxification, I am looking forward to helping as many people as I can with all the tools I now have!

Get your Detox on and Relax while doing it!!

$45/ session or $35 with a purchase of Natures Sunshine Products, contact me now and make an appointment!!

The BEST Energy Ionic Foot Bath is the highest performing ionic foot spa available that uses both positive and negative energy patterns in the foot bath to increase your natural detoxification process. Our bodies are delicate vehicles that strive to maintain a balance; a harmony of hydration and an even flow of detox. The influx of pollutants and carcinogens that flood our cities and are added to our food deter our bodies' natural detoxification processes. This can result in an increase in fatigue, immune deficiencies and many other health care issues.*Energy must be provided to balance the body.

The BEST Energy Foot Bath is an ionic foot bath that utilizes aircraft quality grade parts to boost bodily energy, allowing the body to reach its full potential! Positive and negative energy fields are transferred into the water and the body absorbs that energy. The energy is then used by the body to detox and cleanse. The BEST Energy Foot Bath starts the detoxification process on three levels: through the colon, urinary system, and skin; respectively.The energy provided by the foot bath is pure and clean and identical to the human body's needs.2003 Nobel Laureates Peter Agre and Roderick MacKinnon study the movement of energy through cellular ion channels. Their research linked reduced healthcare issues to increased amperes of energy in the body.The BEST Energy Foot Bath is the highest performing ionic foot spa available that uses both positive and negative energy patterns in the foot bath to increase your natural detoxification process. The energy recieved by the body from the holistic BEST Energy Foot Bath may result in boosting live blood cell levels and it might decrease symptoms of health challenges.

The BEST Energy Foot Bath works through the most basic and plentiful substances in your body, water.The human body is approximately 80% water. It functions by transferring electromagnetic signals. Similar to a car battery that charges a car, the human body may greatly benefit from being re-charged/energized. The BEST Energy Foot Bath recharges the body with electromagnetic signals that are transferred from the water module, into the foot spa, and then absorbed by the body. This cleansing foot spa is like having your own private mineral hot spring! Just add hot water and experience 30 to 35 minutes of energizing and relaxing detox.

Harvey's Song

2009-09-03T20:56:00.003-08:00

...such a sad sad thing i set you free, cuz i can't get you back,

so tired of dreaming of you so many a night,

dreaming you see me for the me i have become, for the changes i have made and the someone i now am,

i seek to hold your hand,

for you to call me friend,

to see you be loved by those who would hold you,

if only you could understand,

i want to speak, for you to hear me,

i wish to wipe your tears that you hide so well,

i see the lost and it pains me to be powerless,

do not be afraid,

the truth will bandage your fears,

tears can be shed for light lingers near,

in truth there is freedom,

a luxury for few,

to ground yourself once again,

my hand is outstretched and this arm is getting tired,

time to rest it upon acceptance until you hear me loud and clear,

wipe away the cob webs for i am still standing here,

outstretched it remains,

a friendship so dear,

that i will wait forever even if you never appear,

for i miss the light you bring and the blue skys that you sing,

..its such a sad sad thing i set you free, cuz i can't get you back...

In meeting a new friend I was asked if I had ever been in love, I said yes, once, I have loved a few, but 'In Love,' once, but I was too young to know how to grow together, to communicate and support one another, So yes, I have been truly loved, in love and it was magical, once, but I set him free of me, cuz I didn't know how to grow together instead of apart

Raw Cacao-Malt

2009-08-30T10:01:00.002-08:00

Mom Made and Kid Approved!!! Travinn went coocoo for this cacao treat!!!

Water of 1 Coconut

2 Tbs Cacao Powder

2tsp Agave or Pinch of Stevia

1/4 tsp Vanilla Extract

2Tbs. Lucuma Powder

`Blend until frothy and enjoy yo!!!

Recipes & Shot of the Past

2009-08-30T08:17:00.004-08:00

Oh the difference time and knowledge make! Yes that is me now and below, that is me Christmas time at 19, first time I saw this pic was a few weeks ago and I was astonished, holy rolls batman!!! Saw a video of myself that Christmas and realized how big I was, cut out all refined foods and began my journey that led me to my fabulous life or Raw Foods!! I am so happy, energetic, peaceful and pleased with my life and body now, I am confident in the person I am, no longer moody, sad and unhappy. I took control of something I was neglecting for years and I feel so empowered by the choices I make, you could too. I was 208lbs in that picture, not pregnant, just huge. I lost 60lbs through exercise and eliminating refined foods, then during my pregnancy, due to many factors, I gave birth, 22 years old, weighing 232lbs. WHOA Mommy!!! I have lost over 60lbs since then, slowly, but in a healthy way and that is why I share this blog with the world, inspiration is all around us, I hope you find a sprinkle of it in my story...

I can't wait to experience a pregnancy full of healthy foods and happy times instead of stress, refined foods and babysitting a thieving drug addict, one day, it will be fantastic!! p.s. A big thanks to Harvey for loving me unconditionally back in the day!

Oh dear its a Naked Chocolate Monster!!!

Chocolate Coconut Pudding

Meat of 2 Young Coconuts

Scoop of Almond Butter

Pinch of Ginger Root

Half of a Vanilla Bean

Scoop of Cacao Powder

Water- for consistency

`Blend Coconut and water first til you have a creamy consistency then add the other ingredients to the mix and blend away, perfect chocolate pudding!!

*wear on face for extra fun!!

Raw~Slaw Fantastico!!!

So So Easy and Fast

Shredded Head of Cabbage

Shredded Carrot

Ground Pumpkin Seed

Black Pepper

Sea Salt

Olive Oil

Lemon Juice

`mix and allow to sit a while to soak in the flavors

To My Son-Shine

2009-08-17T20:07:00.003-08:00

MY SON IS MY FUN AND THE SUN IS MY SHINE,

WE LIKE TO BE SILLY AND MAKE UP RHYMES,

WE DANCE AND WE SING,

WE GIGGLE AND OUR EYES GLEAM,

WE COULD SPEND ALL DAY IN LAUGH AND PLAY,

NO MATTER THE DATE HE ALWAYS MAKES MY DAY,

MY GIFT MY LOVE,

SENT FORTH FROM SOMEWHERE BEYOND,

I CALL HIM MY SON-SHINE CAUSE HE IS TRULY MY LIGHT,

I LOVE YOU TRAVINN,

THANKS FOR ALL THE SMILES!!!

~Zucchini so Dreamy Pasta Greeny~

2009-08-13T17:52:00.004-08:00

Zucchini Pasta w/ Avocado Pignoli Sauce

One of My Favorite & Fast Recipes

Bed of Baby Greens (from my garden, small but tasty)
Chopped Yellow Onion

Grated Zucchini

Sauce

(Process the following together)

Avocado

Pine Nuts (pignoli)

1/2 Clove of Garlic

Dash of Cayenne

Dash of Sea Salt

Dash of Garlic Powder

Water to consistency

(pour over zucchini & devour)

Carrot Cashew Ginger Soup

Blend the Following:

1 cu Water

1 Avocado

1 cu soaked Cashews

1 cu Carrots (alternative: use 1 cu carrot juice in place of water)

Chunk of Ginger

Pinch of Sea Salt

Squeeze of Lemon

Cayenne

Top with Sprouts, Tomato, Cucumber & any Other Veggie Your Heart Desires!!

A Full Course Meal

2009-08-09T15:35:00.003-08:00

On The Menu Today

Drink:
Hazelnut Shake

1 cu soaked hazelnuts
2cu water
{blend in blender then strain, using remaining milk, add milk back to blender and add the following ingredients}
1 Tbs lucuma powder
1/5 vanilla bean
pinch salt
1/8 tsp ginger, ground or fresh
3 Tbs agave nectar
*yummiest served chilled, but good either way, also makes a good Popsicle!

Salad:

Corn Delight

[all amounts are to your preference]

Fresh corn on the cob, cut kernels off and place in a bowl, stir in the following

cilantro, chopped

red pepper, diced

yellow onion, diced

avocado, diced

tomato, diced

pinch of salt

*Super Fresh Tasting Salad

Main Entree:

Rawviolis in a Carrot Sauce

{adapted from: The Raw Food Primer}

butter leaf lettuce, allow to wilt at room temp, de-vein and wrap filling into it

filling-

1 cu soaked walnuts

1cu zucchini

3 Tbs braggs amino acids

2 cloves garlic

5 fresh basil leaves

{process in processor or blender}

fold in

1/2 cu yellow onion, minced

1/2 cu celery, minced

1/4cu red bell pepper, minced

Carrot Sauce

1cu carrot juice

4 Tbs almond butter

1/2 ripe avocado

2 Tbs nama shoyu

1tsp garlic powder

1 tsp agave or maple syrup

process until smooth and creamy pour over rawviolis and enjoy!

* This sauce is amazing on everything!!!

Dessert:

Strawberry~Blueberry Cheesecake

Crust

2 cup Raw Walnuts, finely ground

1 teaspoon Cinnamon

¼ teaspoon Sea Salt

¼ cup Agave

(tastes like cookie dough!)

blend in food processor and press into pie pan

Filling

2cup Pine Nuts, ground

1/2 cu Macadamia nuts, ground

1 cup Organic Coconut oil

½ cup Agave

1 Organic lemon, juiced

¼ teaspoon Sea Salt

2 teaspoon Organic Vanilla Extract

blend in food processor and pour into pie shell

Swirl Filling / Topping

1 pint Organic Strawberries, washed and chopped

1 pint blueberries

2 tablespoon Agave

5 drop Organic Lemon Juice

recipe adapted from: http://www.goneraw.com/node/5254

blend in food processor and pour on top of filling, freeze and enjoy, this is an amazing mouth watering recipe of deliciousness!!!

Tell me can you hear me?

2009-08-05T17:14:00.003-08:00

I am riding my positive pony down the street,

through the cob webs of relationships past,

Wondering when I am going to get my chance,

When my toung is going to spill the magic I need to win this game,

When my heart will open and reach out and touch your hand,

When will you be real,

A part of me,

When will I stop chasing and be completely happy,

I love where i am,

But there's another branch ahead,

And although I look at it with caution and reach out in hesitation,

I reach, I am reaching, but the branch seems further out of reach,

And when I grab it; will it break,

Will it hold me like I need?

I want to be held in a blur of passion,

For love so grand I float into the heavens,

For a piece so right i see me in him and him in I,

I want so many things but my tongue and heart deceive me,

I am letting go of fear, of patience and desire,

Letting go and falling in,

allowing these waves to carry me once again,

I don't know who you are but hope one day we can fall into each others arms because I am weary of waiting and sewing my tongue back on

Dear God, Thank You

2009-07-30T19:59:00.003-08:00

Thank you god of infinite love, kindness, opportunity and abundance for sending me a mirror. When I look into the mirror so many sames are reflected back to me, it draws me in, pulling me closer to its truth, it's the differences that illuminate my dark and remind me it still lives within, dormant as it may lye, it exists and I am prepared to embrace and release, The mirror ever so lovingly brings to the forefront my judgements and desire, I must weave my desire into my reality and accept the things I have asked for will be given, all possibility lies in my ability to accept, I choose kindness, love, acceptance and understanding, Remembering that this package is unlike any I have ever received before is my challenge, to look upon my mirror and allow the form of this gift to be a part of the gift itself, to accept that it is new, wonderful and unknown, to allow my desires to be fulfilled, to look upon my mirror with fresh eyes awaiting truth, to be in harmony with my deepest desires, to allow this river to take me without swimming against the current, I am the leaf, floating on the ripples of the waters, being carried home... Thank you dear sweet mirror, your kindness is a gift I treasure.

How did I get Here?

2009-07-28T20:46:00.002-08:00

Bunny hugger- Tree hugger- Granola- Health Nut...yaddayadda.....damn, I am that girl, (thank my god!!!) that girl with a conscious, a brain, thoughts, opinions oh yes and ACTION!!

I am here because of the powerful impact so many people I have loved gave me when they left this physical world. These are a few of them...

1. My Grandpa Go-Go- We called him go-go because by the time he could only say one word it was go-go-go. My grandfather was exposed to many chemicals working back in the day and he slowly lost his ability to communicate, to remember, to use the bathroom, to feed himself, to function as an adult. He was the first person close to me to die. My grandmother changed his diapers, we found him on the side of the road one day because he had wandered off and couldn't communicate to authorities who he was or where he was going. (too many toxins)

2. My Grammy- it was an off and on in and out of the hospital, then the final 2 months in the hospital every organ slowly shutting down, i watched as she deteriorated and pleaded, 'Kandy I don't wanna die'' Kandy, do you pray? will you please pray for me?' she wanted to live. she was scared to die. I watched as she took her last raspy breaths and a part of me died with her, that innocence in me, that feeling of everything will be okay, it all went away. she lived a life full of family and love, but also meat, ice cream, candy, soda, smoking, all the normal American past times and habits, and all the typical American ailments to go with it.

3. James- 9 years old. Cancer, for the second time. We used to babysit him all the time along with his sister, he was 9 years old and conventional medicine let him die. allowed him to die because they offered no hope; because they knew nothing of nutrition or prevention, because our medical profession deals and wheels hopelessness.

4. Papa- This was the only time in my life where a phone call dropped me to my knees. He told me he had a good 15 more years and I took his word for it, I believed him because it was too hard to not have my Grammy already. His heart was weak and he had numerous surgeries on it, little did he know what I know now, there is a lifestyle of diet and herbs that would have helped his heart build strength and flexibility, and although I believe he died of a broken heart, it didn't have to be when he was only 70 years old.

5. Cadence- A baby girl no more than 5 months old, murdered by her father. This man was so unbalanced in his head that he took his own child's life, the details would twist the stomach of even the most heartless person. This imbalance comes from the way we are living, the chemicals in our bodies from food, cosmetics, pollution, so called medicine that is nothing but poison.

6. Grandma Lisa- Brain Tumor- watched as she slowly stopped making sense, as she ate her last chocolate candy's that she loved, I wonder had she known that sugar increases the multiplication rate of cancer cells 8 times that of a low glycemic food, would she have eaten differently? there are herbs and diet changes that have helped stop cancer growth, reverse it, and allowed miracles to take place, she could have been one, but without this hidden knowledge how will people ever know?

7. Kathy- This is the hardest death I have ever had to deal with, I didn't get to say good bye, tell her how much I love her or offer her another option. She died of cancer, quickly after being told the hopeless prognosis, alcohol and Tylenol can get you there too.

My life of depression, wanting to die since I was about 12 years old, constant mood swings, excessive weight gain, crippling asthma, anger towards everyone and everything, this isn't my life anymore, because I discovered how to be happy. Look within yourself. Eat a diet of healing foods. Cleanse your body of toxic build up, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Don't be another statistic, when you can be a miracle.

Eating Ourselves into Misery & Disease?

2009-07-26T12:20:00.002-08:00

The past 7 years I have been on a path from Hell to Wellness. I find myself standing in a balancing yoga pose quite often & didn't realize til yesterday that I do this everyday in an obvious attempt to remain in balance, and it works well for me.
The other factor in my new found balance is the way I eat. Raw living foods. Let me rephrase that, Raw-Uncooked-Undead, Living- Nutrient Packed- Enzyme filled- Easily Digestible- Cancer Fighting- Immune Enhancing-Low Calorie- Antioxidant- Foods.
A diet full of Nuts, Seeds, Greens, Veggies, Sprouts, Green Smoothies, Raw Chocolate and fresh Fruits. This diet is like a spa treatment for the body, like giving it the finest, purest fuel possible. Eating processed, refined, nutrient void, fried, overcooked, homogenized, pasteurized, de-energized, radiated, plastic coated, stripped-

COMPLETELY UN-NATURAL

foods is killing us,

POISON CANNOT HEAL!

Drugs are a means of numbing, as with every emotional issue, when we numb ourselves to it, it eventually backfires, same with pharmaceuticals, doctors, lobbyist, pharmacists, these people are not your loved ones with your best interest in heart, they are strangers earning a pay check, you are a number. Trust your self, empower yourself with knowledge and take responsibility for your health and well being. Mentally and Physically.Food is our medicine.

Healing takes time and most people want a quick fix magicpill, that pill is an illusion and will lead you t o the road of disease if you are not already there. We don't put things together like we should so let me lay it out for you-

Lifetime of Poor Eating+ Drugs i.e. Medications (poison)= Illness

S0 lets change the world, one person at a time, begin with you. Eat healthy healing foods, don't take drugs, and Be Healthy.

Chocolate Love with Coconut Sprinkles

2009-07-25T13:54:00.003-08:00

This is My Best Friend Ever- Jess, she looked amazing on her wedding day and had the most creative wedding ever! I made these (raw) cookies for her reception/ Cookie bar after her wedding last weekend and quite frankly, I did a little stalking of the table to gauge peoples reactions and they loved them!!

This wedding had the highest energy of any wedding I have ever been a part of, the love was thick and I swear to you I left Love-Drunk, and danced all night long on this amazing high. Just a note- To Jess & Andy, You two are incredible people full of love, life and still keep it real, I LOVE that!! I am so happy for you to have found each other, You can see the support between you guys even if you two are a room apart, I hope to find something as Real as what you guys have oneday. Your souls are kindred and it is obvious, I love you.

To the recipe!!! (before I get too sappy)

These cookies are chocolatey, gooey, coconutty awesomeness!!!

I didn't measure anything so you will have to do it to taste!!!

Sunflower seeds, soaked

pumpkin seeds, soaked

flax meal (ground flax seed)

{combine in food processor}

Add in cacao powder

Agave nectar

pinch of sea salt

almond/ peanut/ cashew butter (whichever you like the most)

{process}

make balls and roll into shredded unsulphured, raw coconut , you can freeze and serve gooey or dehydrate for a dryer cookie, enjoy!!!

The Sideshow We Call Medicine

2009-06-28T11:09:00.002-08:00

Hold your tongue Kandis,

Keep it in,

This is Her body and experience,

well actually it was also my nephews experience, but I'm sure with pride he will be able to say, yeah I was high before I was even born!!! Yay!!!

Nothing is more frustrating than watching someone make choices that shouldn't even be available,

Sedating, (the nurses words) drugging & poisoning my unborn nephew, how is this okay?

It is infuriating listening to the drug dealers peddle their goods every chance they get,

they carry the title nurse, so it's okay?

I can imagine the horror to a nurse if a woman in labor was smoking tobacco or a joint or hitting the crack pipe for that matter, but its okay to pour our drugs into your veins so they can run through the blood stream of you and your unborn! It's Truly a TRAGEDY.

Its a side-show out of control,

This circus we call America, every where I turn its drugs this, drugs that, but if the AMA isn't getting a piece of the money, well then by all means let's call those drugs illegal and condemn them as bad,

And ours, ours are good,

yes they destroyed this girls marriage and my son's father, but that must be because they are safe right?

I listened to the nurse tell her 'people that do natural child birth don't do as well because they feel the pain, the drugs help you relax, its better to do it this way.' (gag) 'No you can't eat any fruit although you haven't eaten in over 24 hours, but here have a 7up and a Popsicle, lets spike your blood sugar levels, turn your body acidic, throw some artificial dyes your way, it was disgusting. I am in shock, all they know is drugs, they are so disconnected from life, real life, childbirth is amazing, not a drug induced medical emergency, its insanity, I plan on never being a part of a hospital birth again, it disgusts me.

And to be honest- women, if you have taken drugs during your pregnancy, you disgust me as well, you are too selfish to care about your child, to weak to feel the pain that you are supposed to, too scared to be in tune with your body. I think medicine is great in true emergency situations, and I have seen someone truly need a C-section and I am thankful it was available, but I have also recently witnessed an amazing labor and birth in a room at her house, full of love and support and yes, fruit!!! And it was so peaceful, thank you for letting me be a part of your journey stephanie. I try not to judge harshly, but the poisoning of our children isn't something I can watch in silence. I pray that the people of this nation wake up soon, become conscious, begin to think, because what is being done to our bodies and minds through drugs is a Tragedy, a true and honest tragedy and it hurts those of us conscious enough to see it. If you are going to have a child feed that child nourishment, that isn't found in a needle in a hospital or in a box of macaroni and cheese, think people, THINK!!!!!!

Almond Milk & Chocolate Cherry Ice Cream, oh my!!

2009-06-26T11:16:00.005-08:00

Almond-Milk~ So Simple, Delicious & Nutritious

1. Put 1/2 cu Almonds & 1cu water into Blender

2. Blend on High Speed Until Well-Blended

3. Pour into Nut-Milk Bag and squeeze liquid into bowl

4. Save Pulp to use in other recipes

5. Enjoy Milk over cereals or as a refreshing drink. Best served chilled, good for about a day. Add cinnamon, agave, vanilla, whatever floats your boat. You can make it with just about any nut and use it in place of dairy!! Cause the thought of drinking milk from a cow tit really grosses me out!!!!

CHOCOLATE~CHERRY ICECREAM

Simple & Divine!!!!

1. 4 Freshly Frozen Bananas- Peel First!

2. 2 Tbs Cacao or Carob Powder

3. 1 cu Cherries

4. 4 Tbs Agave

5. Sprinkle Cinnamon

6. 1/2 Vanilla Bean

7. Dab of Salt

8. Cacao Nibs
* Blend all ingredients in blender until creamy, eat as is or freeze for later- or make awesome and healthy popsicles!!!

My Sweet Son-Shine Making Chocolate-Cherry Popsicles!!

My Raw-Inspired Journey South of My Comfort Level

2009-06-25T08:53:00.005-08:00

Higher & higher above the trees and cities,

Wings pierce through the grey into the light above,

We are floating on faith into the world of the sky,

We leave the darkness of the faces saddened without hope into the arms of grace and serenity,

All is perfect here,

There are no worries up here in the heavens,

All is illuminated,

or maybe I am just speaking for me,

I left my armor behind when I stepped foot into my journey and I am renewed,

I am vibrating at a higher frequency and I feel it in all parts of my self and life,

I pray others may feel my light as my joy sweeps their hearts,

I am open,

Honoring my voice and worth,

All doors are open,

And I AM FREE....

{My home for 4 days, incredible and amazing, no buildings, just fresh air and earth}

{The Goddess Song Circle, the Men just rejoined us, Groom covered in Raw Chocolate}

I just got back to Alaska from a vacation by myself, I went to Washington and rode across Oregon with 2 strangers to a festival where I knew no one!!! And it was fantastic.
In Tacoma I stayed with some kick-ass friends of mine, had my first pedicure, did a lot of walking, used public transportation for the first time, went to asian markets, saw a few old friends, went to a park, ate dinner on the water front, kayaked in the Puget sound, enjoyed the sunshine, went to Pikes Place market and a Raw Foods Restaurant in Seattle, and went to an Amazing Korean spa, spent time with my aunt and uncle, met new people, was a part of the amazing Goddess song circle, drank coconut water every chance I got, All the while maintaining a raw food diet, I decided I prefer to eat raw, uncooked, living fresh foods that enhance my mind, body and spirit. People often ask me if I am 'allowed' to eat this or that, absolutely, I am allowed everything, I choose to eat foods that are healing and energetically enhancing and cleansing instead of dead clogging foods that literally, bring me down. All it takes is some consciousness!!!
In Tacoma-Seattle adventures the bus opened my heart up to some extreme sadness, people living in sadness, drug use and anger. I wanted to close my heart and crawl away from this sadness, luckily my timing for all my journey was laid out perfectly, I ended my journey at the RawUnion festival. HOPE RESTORED. A woman named Katie was one of the strangers on the ride down and after arriving the 3 of us parted ways to do different things, so naturally I set up my tent then sat in there trying to convince myself to leave my tent Finally I did and to my surprise Katie was about 30 feet away trying to set up her tent, obviously needing help, I offered, we are now friends. We did some things together but a lot of my time there was spent wandering and listening to lectures, David Wolfe is Incredible- buy his books!!! The wedding I attended was incredible, I experienced an Access treatment to Cleanse my Bars, it was awesome and I received a few messages and felt my body rise to a higher level, as if I was lifted, The love energy there was contagious and uplifting. I spent the last night there dancing to deep lyrics and drumming til 1am. My journey came to a close with an amazing Hand-Holding, Spiraling, Heart to Heart Circle of love.

There is much sadness in our world,

Darkness in hearts of the people,

Struggle in the minds,

Despair where hope should live,

To my Great relief I experienced the true hope of our world,

We are the people,

The ones who spread the hope throughout,

With our love and faith we plant the seeds with every step we take,

We are the healers of this,

We Create consciousness where numbness was lived,

We are the Healers and I realized this with great certainty and clarity,

Allow the consciousness to flow threw and out your mighty vessel,

The frequency was high and the stars shone upon our joy with love,

Lead by example my beloved family,

We are all one,

Provide love and light for those who seek so they may too be a part of the healing,

It is spreading quickly and Our world is Rising,

Always believe,

For truth is always love and WE ARE TRUTH

I have grown from these experiences, I am loving life & My clarity. I encourage everyone to challenge themselves to eat a more whole- Living-Uncooked diet, you will be amazed at the clarity you gain from something so simple as enhanced nutrition!!!!! Ask me about it!!!! Its changing my life everyday!! The vibration of your foods is directly reflected in the vibration of the self & the collective self, if we raise the vibration the ripples will effect all.

Much Love,
Kandis

{The Oregon Sky above my resting head}

{The dusk on Angel's Organic Farm}

A Delicious fruit salad made by Jessica and Andy, So much thanks and love to them for everything they did for me. They are diamonds in a sky of clouds. I love you both so very much!!!!!

Standing Centered

2009-06-04T13:54:00.003-08:00

The sky was smiling that day!!

In Hatchers, doing Boy things with my son-shine!

Enjoying the River

What a difference a few days and some strong affirmations and intentions make. I am already appreciating my son and whole life situation more. I am excited about the adventure I am embarking on. I choose to be with people that appreciate me, for some reason I; momentarily mind you, thought I would enjoy the company of someone taking me for granted. What a feeling of emptiness I am not willing to seek again!

I realize from time to time bushes in my path may become overgrown and hinder my view, but my heart is my Source of infinate light and will always gently push me around. For my heart and inner guidance I am so Thankful. {pause for silence}

I watched a fantastic and motivating video last night by Victoria Boutenko, [http://rawfamily.com/products.htm] she is a fabulous person and I suggest everyone interested in raw foods watch it, it is simple yet so fulfilling. I am also reading her son and daughter's book Eating without Heating, in it Sergei said something most people may overlook, but to me it stood out in Bold and spoke to my spirit; it answered a question I spin from time to time in the web I call my mind, he said "When we are sincere, people gravitate towards us."

I have found this so true in the past few years, not only in my self, but in others around me. There is a natural attraction to honesty and a tendency to seek it, even in those who choose deception. Their book gives me hope raising my son and knowing deep down he is destined for some pretty out of the ordinary life experiences, he is a bird and I know before long he will be soaring far away on many adventures, I remain his roots. My family is my home.

Yesterday something quite profound happenedd to me. Someone I care so deeply about asked for my help. They even wrote down some healing foods I suggested and is ready for change. I fear this person is on a long road to recovery for the lifestyle they have chosen for their past lead them here; I always have hope and am grateful for this opportunity. I feel like my entire family is finally forming as one, joining on a similar path of healing. As a child I would have never imagined us here, so what a beautiful surprise it has been!!

In the past week I have obstained from solid foods, dry brushed every morning, did a colonic yesterday, oil pulled this morning, drank Pau D' Arco Tea everyday, got back in the groove with my schooling, finishing some unfinished projects, Spent time in Hatchers Pass, have done some enzyme therapy and spent much time in deep thought and intention.

***I am Centered***

Oh Sweet Chia Seed (salba)

2009-06-02T13:21:00.003-08:00

I have been eating chia breakfast for a few weeks now, not today obviously because i am fasting, however I am missing it! I love how versatile it is. As a cold cereal I just add water, let it gel up,

throw some agave and cinnamon on it, stir and enjoy It is exceptionally great texture wise if you add some sprouted buckwheat and hemp seeds!!

Puddings and 'Jellos' are easily made with the gelatinous goo created by mixing chia with a liquid! Throw it in your smoothies, eat a teaspoon of it everyday- it is phenomenal. I crave it now, my finger nails are strong and long, inflammation in my lungs has improved and lets just say, what a great source of fiber!!! Everyone needs chia!!!

Need For Centering

2009-06-01T11:55:00.004-08:00

I am finding myself spiraling sideways into self-destructive behaviors of the past. How easily I am seduced back into my habits of unconscious choices. They leave an emptiness deep inside my soul and I see my path stretched out further and futher away from me.

I allow my mind to stop just shy of depth and return to the form of my former-self. I didn't like the trouble she got me into and I am not willing to go back.

My Sacral Chakra is on overdrive ripping the harmony right out of my body. My green is dimming into a grey and My heart weeps. I used to enjoy the quiet, with me by my own side. Lately I have been escaping it with numbness, denying my truth. Its up and down and I am ready for these waves to die down and surrender to the calm of placid waters. In these waters I will reach out my hand pulling myself towards the light.

I am ready to reunite with her, the me I have been shutting out.

I am fasting for 5 days to purge myself of my ill-emotions and leaving in 12 days to spend some time away from my ordinary to get in touch with myself. Distractions will be laid aside and I can think, without fear, I can be.

My Rawsome Life!

A Poem & Recipes

Fresh Flavor Explosion

*Mid~January Meal Highlights*

Healthy Goodness

She Said WRITE...

~*~*~SATYA~*~*~

YOGA on the HIGHWAY

Edible Goodness

~ LIVIN' LIKE A RAW-k-STAR ~

Molestation; the forcing of undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another

Seeking Balance Each Day

WomanHood=FalseHood

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~peace~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tsunami of Emotions

Pohole Ferns: Available to You!

Raw Spirit 2011: Dreaming Awake!

The Maui Me of Me

Opening & Moving Forward

The Most Beautiful Sunset...

Breathe & Focus!

In Need of Encouragement! And Shanes Birthday!

My Life is Not Perfect, But it is Awesome....

Raw Chocolate Loves

Where is the Love? Sometimes You Should Say No!

2009, that was a full year!

Some In'ten'tions for 20'10'

The Key Ingredient to Joy: RAW Foods!

Thank You Thanksgiving!

A Lot of Honest. What is Family?

By the Grace of the Universe

Food For My Thoughts

Holding Fast to My Beliefs

The Path of the River: Mirrors

If I wrote You a Love Song...

A Light to Illuminate the The Dark

Had Nots & Have Nows

Hello Little Girl, What are You Waiting For?

Releasing and Reacting with Forethought

Raw Potluck October!!!

A Toast with Travinn to Change!!

My To Do List

Post Energy Healing Session Thoughts

Sexuality vs. Spirit

In Love

Good Vibrations

BEST Energy Ionic Foot Bath

Harvey's Song

Raw Cacao-Malt

Recipes & Shot of the Past

To My Son-Shine

~Zucchini so Dreamy Pasta Greeny~

A Full Course Meal

Tell me can you hear me?

Dear God, Thank You

How did I get Here?

Eating Ourselves into Misery & Disease?

Chocolate Love with Coconut Sprinkles

The Sideshow We Call Medicine

Almond Milk & Chocolate Cherry Ice Cream, oh my!!

My Raw-Inspired Journey South of My Comfort Level

Standing Centered

Oh Sweet Chia Seed (salba)

Need For Centering

Mid~January Meal Highlights

~~~SATYA~~~

~peace~