A Walk in Whittier

+++May 18, 2009+++

I AM UNLIKE YOU,

I AM LIKE NO OTHER,

I'VE YET TO MEET MY MIRROR HALF,

WITH QUITE THIS MUCH DEPTH,

I LYE UPON A ROCK BATHED IN SERENITY,

THE SKY DRAPES ITS LOVE AROUND MY SHOULDERS AND CARESSES MY BACK,

WHILE THE SUN POURS ITSELF DEEP BENEATH MY SKIN,

MY HEART PAUSES TO BREATHE IT ALL IN,

MY PALMS LYE FLAT AGAINST THE STONE,

ITS ENERGY SO COOL AND CALM,

SOOTHING THE THOUGHTS FLOWING THROUGH MY MIND,

THE WEEDS OF THE SEA,

SO FULL OF LIFE AND LOVE,

DANCING WITH THE TIDE IN PERFECT RHYTHM,

DRAWING ME INTO THEIR HYPNOTIC MOVEMENTS,

I'M NOT QUITE LIKE YOU,

ALL OF YOU I'VE MET,

I FIND MY JOY HIDDEN BENEATH ROCKS ON RAINY DAYS & IN THE SHADOWS OF THE THE FOREST WHEN THE SUN ILLUMINATES THE PATH,

I SEEK,

I FIND,

I FLOW WITH AN OCCASIONAL PAUSE TO REMEMBER WHERE I AM, WHERE I WAS AND WHERE I MAY GO,

CHOOSING TO ENJOY ALL AROUND ME,

THE BIRDS SING THEIR SONG WITH GRACE & BEAUTY,

FEATHERS GLIDING FLAWLESSLY THROUGH THE BREEZE,

I ALLOW MY EXPERIENCES TO GUIDE ME INTO LEARNING,

YOU ARE ALL TOOLS ON MY JOURNEY,

I AM ALONE IN THIS WORLD SURROUNDED BY YOUR LOVE,

MAY I CONTINUE TO EMBRACE YOU,

REMEMBERING WHERE I AM,

THANK YOU GREAT MOTHER FOR ALL THAT YOU GIVE,

I DANCE WITHIN YOUR HARMONY WITH GRATITUDE AND LOVE

The Trouble in 'Seeking' Good

Can I borrow your heart, maybe just your brain; My lack of judgement has got me into trouble again...



The trouble is how often seeking leads you on wild treasure hunts where no treasure is to be found. I'm breaking in ways I try to maintain, I want to be strong but this game is getting really old. I believe there is good in every one, yet somehow I stumble upon these people who live to lie, manipulate, hurt and rob me of my kindness. I denied the impression made upon me months ago and I gave you a try..To my deepest disappointment. You are what I thought you were, what I looked past and I believed your lies, SO MANY, not sure what is truth anymore, Your smell lingers in my home and makes me want to puke. The things you said and did were so genuine feeling, right up to the end. I can't believe I let you inside of me, cradled you like I did. You have no place in my heart, I want to erase this pain, but when I stop and think about you, you are so incomprehensible that my head begins to spin. It's hard to put your face to your actions, so I guess I will avoid you, as to not fall for those puppy dog eyes, cuz I want to go deeper and understand why, when I know the best thing is to mean my GoodBye. Your sex was incredible, like a thing of the past, I fell into comfort with you from that first night, I relished your touch and dreamt of your warmth, I was getting hooked and just in time reality began to rain, You were never there with me, not in your mind, you were full of cruel intentions ignoring the light I was offering you so freely, this isn't the first time, I pray it the last, I need the strength to know that not all good can be found in everyone as I wish, I am wanting so much more from a relationship and wondering what actions to take in my life to get there. I want so much more and the fear of this redundancy weighs on my body, I feel the sinking of my soles beneath me and the heaviness in my breath, the knot inside my stomach wont take a rest, Its not you silly boy, its me, but there is a sadness now for all to see.

A Bitter-Sweet Twist

I am Yogi-Goddess dripping wet from melting into my divine,

I caress the joy pouring over my heart with my fingers like waves across the sea, for now I remember, there is me and only me...

.

.

.

.

Bitter sweet are those chunks of reality we bite into time to time,

Can't say I really mind,

another feeling to feel another life intertwined,

The emotions are raw,

like salt inside my wounds,

I love deeply,

Never minding if it only lasts a moment,

My love is so abundant and rarely ever wise,

Do I rush into emotions or did I simply drag you in?

Right place wrong time,

maybe the other way around?

I love the magnetism between us,

that I cant deny,

I already miss your arms around me and the heat of your body warming mine,

But I've noticed the way we swim against the current,

It will tire us pushing us downstream,

In the end we'll be exhausted,

And the fire will have died down,

And in the ashes what could remain,

but some joyous tears, gratitude and pain,

Not to say I am not intrigued enough to try,

Sometimes the path is covered in debris,

but below the surface is something so grand to see,

I am waiting for my next cue,

A new page to my philosphy,

While I wait (somewhat) patiently to see...

Facing My Own Heart

My heart is full of love and I continue to open my blossoming green chakra to the world with each day, but I find that I underestimated the power of the self to protect me. My life is in perfect order, everything I want and need, well that's what I thought for a while; right up until I decided to be honest with myself.

I realized that I control my want to exclude the things I desire the most, I think it is in fear of losing those things or grasping at them and never finding a hold. I want things that my conscious believes will never happen. I made myself feel ok about being alone for the rest of my life, silly I know, but what choice do I have, relationships are complicated and matters of attachment are messy. But being in total control leaves an emptiness in me that I don't want anymore. The Art of Allowing is a philosophy I feel very strongly in my life, but I have yet to use it on ALL levels which leaves a lack of wholeness, I didn't realize these things about myself until I felt shame for my actions with another and began to ponder why, And that is what I came up with. I am so grateful for every step on this journey and especially the sobering ones... Falling in love with myself has been a journey of 26 years and although I have my ups and downs, I truly love me and I am ready to share my love freely...

Tomorrow represents four years of my sons life; four years from the morning I spent numerous hours in a euphoric pain, like no other in this world, that I reminisce about with a smile.

My son is my saving Grace, he has shaped my life and passions more than I think I ever could for him; I am grateful to him- my teacher, my love, my son.

I never saw my future through glasses that would lead me here, but now that I am here the sun is brighter than it ever was, the days are more glorious than ever before, the love is deeper and stronger, ever encompassing, than I have ever known, the Possibilities are abundant and laid before my feet in every direction,

My path is laden with cloud filled hope, I find faith in all I feel, I love all who become a part of my journey and I am thankful for those who hold me when I fall, to them I bow gracefully in honor of their kindness; a fading characteristic in so many,

I am astounded by this life I call my own, it has been shaped and molded into this incredible creation in which no forethought was needed, I am going to celebrate, in simple words, the day of my sons birth, but simple it is not, for it represents the complex truths of my life which are ever-reaching greater lengths,

I smile, for I know I am loved and I love as deeply in return- Thank you

On Monday I surrounded myself with people who love me and I in return hold deeply in my heart, We celebrated my birth which I find myself more thankful for each and every day, I see each day as opportunity and relish in the days memories each night, I felt so honored to be surrounded by an Energy Called Love for an evening, it was a beautiful Night...

My 26 years have been blessed in so many ways, I look forward to each new day and the friends that I have been lucky enough to have enter my life and share my joy- It is incredible the shifts that occur when we open ourselves for relationships in any and every form....

Parting isn't so Sweet

I know many people, too many I suppose, I hate goodbyes, but when death takes someone I love on a Journey they must walk alone, I am left here in reality, frozen like stone, tears spill down my cheeks and thoughts flood my mind, some things cannot be changed, I cradle my head in my hand as if this will provide some relief, you were supposed to be here for my birthday, we were supposed to look for trim, I don't want to say goodbye if I don't ever get to say it again, Thank you for all the time you gave me, I dare say it wasn't enough, I will never forget, how warm your smile always was, I will always be your Honey~Babe and keep you in my thoughts, Thank you for your time and memories that were made, until we meet again, I guess this is goodbye. I love you Uncle...

It's Pizza for Dinner

OK, so it didn't really taste like drippy soy smothering tapioca crust, but it was DELICIOUS!!

I had some left over cracker- thingys so I did pizza last night. I thought it was amazing and so unbelievably filling!! At least Travinn took a few bites before saying he didn't like it!! Oh well, he's a tuff crowd! The more things I create, the more fun I have with it- It's incredible the possibilities when most people think, no meat? what do you eat?

Too Funny!!!

Pizza Quickie:

Crust from Oatmeal Cookies (in earlier blog)- minus the dates

Dehydrate crust til chewy or super-dry depending on your preference

Cheese- processed pine nuts with a little garlic; spread on pizza

top with some tomatoes, onion,mushrooms and spinach then blend some avocado- guacamole style and spread on top- really easy, enjoy