Saturday, November 20, 2010

Opening & Moving Forward

The past few days have been 'feeled' with forward healing momentum.... I decided to be completely honest with my parents and finally write them letters. I decided to approach the letters from a stand point of letting them know what I would wish for them, in their personal lives, in their perspective and what I wish they wanted to know about me. All the things I wish they could see in me. I began to make a list and set it down last night, to continue after some more thought...
I am extremely sure of myself, what kind of relationships I want to include in my life and what I am not willing to have as a part of my life. This is the clarity I believe lead to the following recent events.
A few day sago I received a message from my mother saying she loved me and missed me, I was shocked, tears rolled down my face and all I could think of was how much I wish she could take the step to begin healing herself, without change our relationship cannot change; I am not by any means saying it won't, but it must begin somewhere.
Last night I received an email from my sister telling me she was sorry for betraying my trust and how much she desired not only my forgiveness, but also our relationship. And how much she loves me and Travinn.
This morning I received an email from an ex who wanted me to know he doesn't hate me, just so I know.
And the icing on the cake...This evening I opened an email from my father, 1 year without speaking to me, after disowning me and telling me I am no longer his daughter, and all I could read was the first few words that included him telling me he has always loved me and calling me his bald-headed baby. I have yet to find the emotional strength to read the letter, but I am looking forward to it, with nervousness though.
All of these amazing shifts in my life have taken place within such a short time and they feel astounding! As much as these occurrences seem like they would take a huge emotional toll on me, I am actually ready for them, I am open to them and moving forward. I look forward to the continuing of my journey with all of the emotional ties finding resolution through subtle yet huge pieces of communication.
I spent time with a friend today who helped me so much, out of the goodness of his heart and when I hugged him goodbye a wave of gratitude came over me and I am so so thankful for the beautiful people filled with love and light who are coming into my light and all we have to offer one another.
Love & Light to All,
Mariah Moon

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Most Beautiful Sunset...

Tonight I finally had the opportunity to take a half an hour to myself to enjoy a walk on the beach in the sunset. Tonight's sunset was awe inspiring. The world seemed to melt into oneness. The clouds of all different shapes and sizes and colors, illuminated with the beautiful glowing gold light, the sounds of the waves crashing upon the shore, the crabs crawling from their homes in under the sand right at sunset, right on cue, feeling the sand beneath me, between my fingers and toes, a soft breeze against my skin and a smile upon my face while love flooded my heart and body... all of these many things, many emotions and sensations, all melded into oneness...
It seems to me that our human-ness itself is our biggest distraction from our ability to transcend our hang-ups into re-realizing what we truly are, that we are all one, we are all the god-energy, we are all connected and existing as one breath....
A part of the deep love and connectedness I was experiencing tonight reminded me of how amazing it felt at the Raw Spirit festival to be surrounded by so much love and how much I want people full of love to be a constant in my life. It is like an energy-high when you are in groups of amazing loving people; something I want to recreate in my life on a daily basis. So....the reoccurring thought/topic that I keep coming back to is a self-sustainable community of conscious, loving, healthy people living off of the land, not within the 'system.' Whether it be joining an existing community or creating my own I feel that is the direction I am headed.
I moved to Maui with the intention to build a tree-house with natural materials and live off of the land in the most minimal impact way possible..That is a part of my dream....
* I intentionally chose not to take my camera with me to the beach so my memory serves as the only proof the beauty of tonight's sunset...
Love & Light