Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Light to Illuminate the The Dark

Light shining bright,

Illuminating the Grey,

Ask and Recieve,

Choosing to believe,

I am grateful,

I am light,

I am sunbeam in a field,

A sparkle in the Night Sky,

Reason for Diamonds Streaming Down my Face,

Heart Pounding so Hard I swear it grew Wings,

Yellows and Greens Swirling through my soul,

Sweet Light Illuminating my Heart,

Thank You

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Had Nots & Have Nows

I had not love, I had not true friendship, I had not sincerity, I had not support, I had not understanding, I had not Love.
Today on my last day of work enjoying the lovely commute home, I was thinking about how much joy is in my life and how much it has to do with the relationships I surround myself in.
I used to date men that told me I was beautiful, right before they told me how no one would ever put up with me or love me other than them, they accused me of things that weren't true, they lied to me, they never understood me, they called me names, we'll leave the physical abuse vague, but you get the point, I had a hard time loving me and all I attracted were people who wanted to keep me down and hate myself so I was always there with them, too meek to leave. I knew the hurtful things they said and did were wrong, but after a while, it's hard not to think they're right and I was crazy for thinking I was better than that. Being told something over and over doesn't make it true, but sometimes it makes it believable. I didn't feel I deserved to be treated well. I didn't experience genuine feelings towards me, they were manipulative and I felt trapped and unhappy, for years. Emotionally I was caged because my feelings were never validated. The lack of sincerity was a constant hardship on my mind and things were only done for me so they could be used against me later. I was nothing more than an object, so easily mistreated and discarded. These relationships took so much of my light away from me. Finally I was ready to break free, never easily mind you, I stayed way too long, went back way too many times and allowed myself to be hurt over and over again. I was always yearning for more with a big hole in my soul where fulfillment should be, a constant hopelessness.
Finally: NO MORE
I have now abundant love, abundant light, abundant friendship, abundant genuineness and all because I realized I deserve it. And I do, just as everyone does, but the mutual respect, honesty, openness and kind caring I am experiencing in a relationship- wow, unbeatable, believable, with effort, but unbeatable. I am so fulfilled in every aspect of my being. I am more conscious than I have ever been. I am open, honest and understood. I am excited about living and all the possibility!
My Sex, yes my sex, I am having the best sex of my life, the best I have ever experienced, EVER. The kind of sex I yearned for, the kind of lover I dreamed of, the kind of lover I thought may only ever live in my dreams, but finally- sex tied into all aspects of me and him and our bond, the physical sex, the emotional sex, the mental sex, the spiritual sex, the connection between us on all levels, ahh. Sex can be good with anyone, but to be mind blowing the best ever, this only happens when you have an amazing connection, mutual feelings and true honesty with not only each other, but within ourselves.
I have always been a fan of the 'falling in love' stage, as every woman is, but I want more, been asking people in long lasting relationships lately if its possible to remain in love, with very positive feedback, ah the Hope inspired! I look forward to someday looking into someones eyes and realizing just how in love I still am with this person, years and years later, the falling part is still there because growth never ceases, I look forward to the falling, the staying, the growing, and allowing.
All my dreams come true, just the way of the universe I suppose, I am living in this magic and I feel blessed.....

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hello Little Girl, What are You Waiting For?

Ah, looking around I notice my messes, my actual clutter, more specifically the clutter that fills my car, i think all things are tied to emotions, so I ponder, why the clutter, physical clutter represents emotional personal clutter, aha! Why would I want clutter, well not that I want it but it is one of those safety net things, If I have clutter in my thoughts, physical life and A huge to do list bigger than I can handle, I never have to follow through with anything because I have too much on my plate. Well I have hit that point in my life where I am truly ready to de-clutter, when everything is organized I gain focus and focus is what I need right now. Without the clutter I can ACCOMPLISH, yay, what usually I set out to do and s-l-o-w-l-y move towards, I am ready to grab it, finish it and move on.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Releasing and Reacting with Forethought

I find that my fears are continually reflected back to me in every relationship I encounter, friendships, work relationships, romance, all of them bring up the issues I need to release from my self. It is such free flowing work, everyday I grow immensely and this forward momentum feels fantastic, frustrating from time to time, but fantastic.
I finally feel I have the support I need in my life to grow in healthy ways that benefit not only myself but all of my relationships.
I create my reality and I carry in me the knowledge that the Universe delivers to me the things I truly want and need, for all of these blessings I am so grateful.
I choose to meet you in the here and now, the you you are in the present day, my gift to you, lets walk forward and allow the shaping of our lives to be as it is and create new, allow the past to quietly live where it belongs and not be a shadow on the present or future.
I choose to act not defensively, as has been my habit for years, but to react and act with forethought about who I truly am and what I truly want. Sounds simple but treating others as you'd want to be treated is usually what we lack. We tend to project and displace and act in fear...I choose not to.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Raw Potluck October!!!

Who Knew RAW could look so Good? Delicious Day of great company and fantastic food!!!
The drumming Children

The Baby Girl Knows Whats Good for Her, Durian!

Ginger-Lemon-Garlic Mushrooms on Bok Choy

Cheyenne's First Detox Foot Spa

Pierre at the Beginning of his Foot Bath

The Nastiness thats no longer in His Body

Green Crackers and Some Yummy Nummy Dip

Figgy Pudding

Moms Contribution, So So Beautiful

Strawberry Banana Pudding

Jicama & Tomato topped with Spinach Nectarine Sauce