Saturday, November 20, 2010

Opening & Moving Forward

The past few days have been 'feeled' with forward healing momentum.... I decided to be completely honest with my parents and finally write them letters. I decided to approach the letters from a stand point of letting them know what I would wish for them, in their personal lives, in their perspective and what I wish they wanted to know about me. All the things I wish they could see in me. I began to make a list and set it down last night, to continue after some more thought...
I am extremely sure of myself, what kind of relationships I want to include in my life and what I am not willing to have as a part of my life. This is the clarity I believe lead to the following recent events.
A few day sago I received a message from my mother saying she loved me and missed me, I was shocked, tears rolled down my face and all I could think of was how much I wish she could take the step to begin healing herself, without change our relationship cannot change; I am not by any means saying it won't, but it must begin somewhere.
Last night I received an email from my sister telling me she was sorry for betraying my trust and how much she desired not only my forgiveness, but also our relationship. And how much she loves me and Travinn.
This morning I received an email from an ex who wanted me to know he doesn't hate me, just so I know.
And the icing on the cake...This evening I opened an email from my father, 1 year without speaking to me, after disowning me and telling me I am no longer his daughter, and all I could read was the first few words that included him telling me he has always loved me and calling me his bald-headed baby. I have yet to find the emotional strength to read the letter, but I am looking forward to it, with nervousness though.
All of these amazing shifts in my life have taken place within such a short time and they feel astounding! As much as these occurrences seem like they would take a huge emotional toll on me, I am actually ready for them, I am open to them and moving forward. I look forward to the continuing of my journey with all of the emotional ties finding resolution through subtle yet huge pieces of communication.
I spent time with a friend today who helped me so much, out of the goodness of his heart and when I hugged him goodbye a wave of gratitude came over me and I am so so thankful for the beautiful people filled with love and light who are coming into my light and all we have to offer one another.
Love & Light to All,
Mariah Moon

No comments: