Thursday, March 4, 2010

My Life is Not Perfect, But it is Awesome....

DAY 4 Juice & Tea Fast
Every time I think I am there, I realize I can go further...
I am feeling such a surge of freedom. I worked so hard to buy a house for my son and I, I accomplished what I set forth to do. It is so easy to become attached to these things we work for, but as life would have it, Seeking love and family put my 'accomplishment' in a place of excess, I no longer need a home to myself if I choose to move forward and seek new adventure. Clinging breeds stagnation. It is time to let go once again, I have let go of so many attachments and beliefs in the past year I feel as if I am constantly being renewed. I am me without the people I called parents, without the people who brought darkness and negativity to my life. Letting go of my beliefs of being alone for a lifetime, that Alaska is my only home, that I can never leave, feeling stuck, feeling alone, all these belief s that didn't serve a higher purpose, I am letting go and moving on, I am allowing happiness to be a part of me. And it feels so fulfilling, I feel like I am floating on a cloud of joy.
I am constantly aware of the conditioning I was raised with, hate and anger were the seeds of love as I grew to adulthood. I met a man when I was 16 who changed my life, he taught me how to love without hate, it was an amazing lesson. It has taken me many many years to apply it fully in my life, for without self love it is hard to accept or return love on an honest level, but I am conscious of it now.
I find myself from time to time slipping into insecurity and relying on the self-defense mechanisms I have used for so many years, my little tool belt of cruelty. I said something to someone I love last weekend that was mean and completely unnecessary, I regret it deeply and I am so thankful for the love and understanding I receive from this person. I spent most of my life a very mean, cruel, hateful, demeaning, violent, controlling, SAD person. I did not know the light even existed.
I now bathe in the light everyday and feel gratitude for every piece of my blessed life. learning to value my past, let go what is no longer needed and how to appreciate all facets of my journey.
My diet is the path that brought me so much healing. I sought the answers, the truth, a way, and I found it. A diet of pure whole foods creates the path to a body and mind of wholeness and clarity.
I am so grateful to be loved deeply as I am. So honoured to be given such a wonderful gift, a partner, a friend, what I have sought for so long, I embrace LOVE , in all~ways...

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