Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Trouble in 'Seeking' Good

Can I borrow your heart, maybe just your brain; My lack of judgement has got me into trouble again...

The trouble is how often seeking leads you on wild treasure hunts where no treasure is to be found. I'm breaking in ways I try to maintain, I want to be strong but this game is getting really old. I believe there is good in every one, yet somehow I stumble upon these people who live to lie, manipulate, hurt and rob me of my kindness. I denied the impression made upon me months ago and I gave you a try..To my deepest disappointment. You are what I thought you were, what I looked past and I believed your lies, SO MANY, not sure what is truth anymore, Your smell lingers in my home and makes me want to puke. The things you said and did were so genuine feeling, right up to the end. I can't believe I let you inside of me, cradled you like I did. You have no place in my heart, I want to erase this pain, but when I stop and think about you, you are so incomprehensible that my head begins to spin. It's hard to put your face to your actions, so I guess I will avoid you, as to not fall for those puppy dog eyes, cuz I want to go deeper and understand why, when I know the best thing is to mean my GoodBye. Your sex was incredible, like a thing of the past, I fell into comfort with you from that first night, I relished your touch and dreamt of your warmth, I was getting hooked and just in time reality began to rain, You were never there with me, not in your mind, you were full of cruel intentions ignoring the light I was offering you so freely, this isn't the first time, I pray it the last, I need the strength to know that not all good can be found in everyone as I wish, I am wanting so much more from a relationship and wondering what actions to take in my life to get there. I want so much more and the fear of this redundancy weighs on my body, I feel the sinking of my soles beneath me and the heaviness in my breath, the knot inside my stomach wont take a rest, Its not you silly boy, its me, but there is a sadness now for all to see.

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