Saturday, May 9, 2009

Facing My Own Heart

My heart is full of love and I continue to open my blossoming green chakra to the world with each day, but I find that I underestimated the power of the self to protect me. My life is in perfect order, everything I want and need, well that's what I thought for a while; right up until I decided to be honest with myself.

I realized that I control my want to exclude the things I desire the most, I think it is in fear of losing those things or grasping at them and never finding a hold. I want things that my conscious believes will never happen. I made myself feel ok about being alone for the rest of my life, silly I know, but what choice do I have, relationships are complicated and matters of attachment are messy. But being in total control leaves an emptiness in me that I don't want anymore. The Art of Allowing is a philosophy I feel very strongly in my life, but I have yet to use it on ALL levels which leaves a lack of wholeness, I didn't realize these things about myself until I felt shame for my actions with another and began to ponder why, And that is what I came up with. I am so grateful for every step on this journey and especially the sobering ones... Falling in love with myself has been a journey of 26 years and although I have my ups and downs, I truly love me and I am ready to share my love freely...

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