Friday, July 22, 2011


As Americans {and other countries as well} do we not have enough insecurities yet? We can hate our boobs; get new ones, hate our labia; get labia reduction, hate our nose; get a new one, hate our hair; change the color, hate our lips; get injections, hate our eye color; get contacts, hate our stomachs, thighs & arms; get liposuction, hate our vagina; get vagina-plasty, hate our bodies; starve ourselves or puke up our food, hate our body hair; trim it, shave it, wax it........................

How fantastic is it that we have ALL these options available! No really, how fantastic is it to perpetuate more HATE towards ourselves so we can strive to ~feel~ Beautiful, Wanted, Attractive, Normal and Accepted not only by others, but it is so well ingrained in our thoughts now that we need these things for ourselves, to feel okay with ourselves. THIS IS SAD. This is so sad to me. It is an issue I face in my life and I realize so many others do as well.

We are so detached from Nature, I wonder if women even remember that you are actually CREATED to grow hair when you reach puberty, our armpits, our legs, our lady~parts, sometimes our upper lips, we are ANIMALS, we are created perfectly. ---WE ARE WOMEN, NOT 8 YEAR OLD GIRLS--- we have the body of a woman. When are we going to embrace ourselves? At the very least not feel like we HAVE to do these 'maintenance' things to be beautiful, that we are lovable (to ourselves and others) as we are, even if the maintenance isn't maintained.

When are our men going to let go of their deep rooted perverse desire to sleep with hairless girls instead of full~bodied women embodying their womanhood?

Why is it such a challenge to simply be what we ARE instead of striving to be what we aren't?

We are born natural creatures of this earth, as we are meant to be. As adults I can support any body modification choice one chooses to make, because I believe in allowing people choices; however, I WISH the choices we make in life would be based on Self~Love and a desire to create even more love for ourselves, not based on self HATE. NO AMOUNT OF BODY MODIFICATION can make you LOVE yourself.

We are REAL at our cores, it is our denial of this through so many superficial alterations that we become disconnected from our SELF.

BODY HAIR: Giving in to societal NORMS only continues to set un-natural standards for all women to try to attain. Teaching our children they NEED TO SHAVE, not for hygiene reasons, but because that is what BEAUTIFUL IS only continues to perpetuate feelings of insecurity and makes us uncomfortable in our own bodies. These insecurities spread like a plague through our society, the seeds of SELF-HATRED are everywhere you look.

I have really fine hair and I didn't get pubic hair until a little later than other girls and I remember being so self conscious that I always changed in the bathroom stall so no one would see, finally I got pubic hair *HOORAY* then I get a little older and learn this isn't right either, I should be shaving it off, man do we ever get a break?

*Where is the sense of reality? Not all Vulva look the same, not all breasts look the same, not all stomachs look the same, not everyone looks the same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And yes, some people have body hair, some people even choose not to shave certain parts of their bodies {GASP} !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Labia reductions, Breast implants, Eye skin removal (in Asian cultures) these are common graduation gifts these days, WHAT THE FUCK! Seriously, why aren't parents teaching their children to love themselves? It is far more important to teach our children to love themselves than how to conform to societal views of what is Beautiful. You don't teach your children to jump off a bridge if all the other kids are doing it, (that was my parents always said)but so many children are being taught to give in to the biggest peer pressure of all: SOCIETAL VIEWS OF BEAUTY.

If your hair isn't Silky smooth and long you aren't feminine, If your breasts aren't perfect perky and symmetrical, you aren't beautiful, If your stomach isn't smooth and flat, you aren't beautiful, If you don't have long lean legs, you guessed it, you aren't beautiful, if your lady~parts aren't shaved smooth or waxed a man isn't going to want to be with you, If you don't look good in a bikini yup you get to feel bad about being you.

Altering your body to fit into the mold of societal beauty isn't improving your self esteem or empowering womankind. Until we can love ourselves in our natural state this disconnect from reality will continue to thrive and along with it so much sadness and self hate.

I try to love myself each and everyday and on many levels I achieve this goal, the hardest is being able to love my physical body, it isn't attractive, it feels like a lie every time I try to see beauty in my physical self. To love it anyways, this is a work in progress.

I think a lot of women at first would find body hair off-putting, but I challenge you to look deeper than your superficial views of the world and your self, they came from somewhere and it isn't natural, you weren't born with a list of reasons to not love yourself!

When I am alone sometimes I feel pretty, because there is no one to tell me otherwise, I forget that my legs haven't been shaven today and I dance like I embody beauty just because I exist; as it should be. Can you imagine a world where everyone loves themselves, I know, I am a Dreamer, but imagine it, what if just you and your family truly loved yourselves? That would be an amazing start and in the home is where it starts. Lets try to heal our own wounds from societal views and teach our children to love themselves and others for what they are, not what they aren't.

I have a man, a partner in my life who loves me, but I am always aware that I don't fit the idea of beauty. I don't have small perky breasts, or a small 100lb frame or a smooth thin stomach. And I actually feel guilty for it.

I am never going to look like a magazine cover-model, apparently that isn't a part of this lifetime, hell I am never going to look good in a bathing suit, let alone a bikini! I HOPE that I can someday love myself enough that these things don't matter; because in the end I know it doesn't.


1 comment:

Michelle Lynx Lyall said...

Mariah, I love how much passion you have. Maybe because I too hold so much passion around this issue. I hear your words and I dream the same dream. I feel so strongly about finding a true love for ones self that I have sometimes stood in the way of supporting another in their own journey. I was recently given the opportunity to support a very dear friend in her choice to change her body. This was something so important to her and something she felt she really needed to love herself naked. I feel blessed that I was part of her transformation and that I was able to put aside my views and really be there in loving support. At the same time, I once again was able to reflect on my life time of insecurity and the times when I too felt I needed to alter my body. Even more so I was able to see how much I have grown in love for myself and that I wouldn't change a thing.

There is a couple of thoughts about this: From my experience, I never thought I was beautiful growing up. Although my mother told me every day how beautiful I was, she showed me everyday how un-pretty she thought she was and that made a much bigger impression on how I saw myself than the words I heard. My step father did a good job of telling me I was pretty too but also did a good job of validating my mothers insecurities and contradicting his words with his behaviors. This is how we teach our daughters, not by what we tell them but by who we are as an example to them.

Our daughters deserve to love themselves and it starts with mothers loving them self. Take the media away and what do we have to compare ourselves with? Surround ourselves with loving women and we stop the critical judgements. Accept that we are worthy and choose a man that loves himself and create space for love to flourish.

Which brings me to the second thought... In what ever way you surround yourself is what will breed in your thoughts. When I look back to the day when I wanted to change my body (to include the need for shaving/waxing), I can see the direct correlation to the people I had in my life. I am confident that if I had made the choice to alter my breasts, not only would I feel the loss of that beautiful part of me but what type of man would that attract. It's clear for me, what I choose in my life directly effects my thoughts, opinions and love for myself, I feel best surrounded by those who love themselves, thus ending any discussion of beauty as beauty is seen in it's purest form.

Grateful to know you, Michelle